#i either post only finished pieces or every doodle and i am yet to get a balance in that. but when i will figure it out i may start postin

[temdatem]

me when i use mspaint:

doodles of my two characters and @snippit-crickit hihi i desperatelly need to figure out how to draw parragon. the 2d man gives me troubles for some unknown reason

[ridl]

the entire reason why i followed you in the first place is because i thought your art was a breath of fresh air in the many repetitive depictions of ganqing where they both simply look ethereal and exist next to one another. Its not that I haven't enjoyed that type of art from time to time but your works have always felt full of personality and grounded in a way I find very hard to come by--on top of the fact that I genuinely enjoy your artstyle.

Your blocky yet sharp lines are genuinely so captivating and distinctive (if i hadn't seen it first hand I wouldn't believe Ganyu would look so pretty like that!) and your alternative version with smoother lines manages to feel simultaneously professional and yet cozy at the same time--a crazy feat to achieve perfect harmony with the Ganqing vibe. Every time your work comes across my dash I instantly know its you and i'm genuinely glad i've been able to keep up with your progress over time (and then being surprised by how many cool games you keep track of on your blog) its been a serious delight.

But despite my parasocial proclivities, another aimless comment praising your art doesn't fix much of anything. You think your art is bland. You think yourself is bland. It wouldn't really matter if the entire world was in love with what you make if you, yourself, were not. So if you don't like the way your art currently looks, why not change it? And if you don't like the way you are, why don't you change that? And if that fails to sate you, change it again? And then again and again and again in search of your ideal. Why would you stop here, being disappointed while only knowing half of the person you could be?

i'm not sure what your answer is... but i'm wishing you the best.

thank you, i'm actually very happy (as much as i can be despite the mental torment lol...) that u think that way abt my art! that's like, a big honour that u think its full of personality and grounded. i try to make it that way bc that's what i like and want to see with ganqing. maybe i don't always succeed and sometimes it's just random doodles of my blorbos bc i have so little energy i need breaks between my actual "big" ideas. but ig i succeed often enough for u to think this way. so i'm glad you like my depictions of ganyu and keqing, whether it's their... personality? or the artstyle i use. and that you don't mind my game posting lol, cuz i rlly just dump all my interests on my one blog, for the better or worse.

i get what u mean abt ur comment not fixing anything, but i really am thankful for all the positive feedback i get. it'd feel extremely lonely otherwise, i draw things i like but in the end i post it to seek some sort of connection, or validation. like everyone i suppose. that's why i'm being nervous abt reposting stuff on bsky lately lol, sometimes i get comments, other times i don't. i don't blame ppl for not commenting but i rlly have to fight the thought of "nobody will care, why bother posting" again bc it's a new place, as i mostly already got used to it on tumblr/twt.

now, the 2nd part of my vent was very vague, and i totally get what ur saying and i'm thankful for ur message. unfortunately it's just a bit more complicated 😅 i don't exactly... hate my art i think. i want to get better ofc, but i know it's always gonna be imperfect and i have to just keep going or else i would never finish anything. some of it is better, some worse, there are pieces i like a lot and i'm genuinely proud of. but i don't know if other ppl feel the same and remember the art i made, even if i like it myself. in my head there's a difference between "art that's good enough for a like" and "art that's actually memorable". idk

then there's me and my social problems. won't get into details but some things are just out of my control, and it's kinda nobody's fault either, i can't rlly do anything abt it. there are things i wanna change and i think i can with time, but certain things are just part of reality we live in. it's just how humans and relationships work, i'm aware of it and i understand it. but it doesn't stop me from being sad abt it tho. making friends can be painful.

but thank you so much for this message and for the good wishes nevertheless!

[creaturefeaster]

this post is sponsored by uppsulka

This post has nothing to do with Uppsulka I just had this doodle sitting for like a day. I just wanted to talk about my last post-- that ask about CQ’s story and the likes. I’ve gotten a handful of messages about it since I answered it (+a couple replies on the post itself) and I wanted to clarify a couple of things.

Please, if you’re worrying that I’m overworking myself, or pushing myself to put stuff out that isn’t ready yet, know that I am certainly not under any pressure to put things out before their due time. I share lots of tidbits about the story on this blog of course, but you may notice that any actual, physical writing for the story is virtually nonexistent on this blog. If I wanted to, I could have shared the drafts long ago, but I’m taking my time and making it perfect (for me). It will be out when it’s ready, and you don’t have to worry about outside pressures/lack of quality.

Another thing! Some of the messages I’ve gotten were in response to some of the tags on the post, as I am known to ramble quite a bit in the tags from time to time. I mentioned the possibility of me seeking out artistic help in the future. The amount of people wanting to help is heartwarming, it really helps me realise just how many people want to see this story come to fruition. However there’s still a long road before the real, official art for the story will come into play.

Finding the right people to help with such a personal project of mine, if I so choose to go down that fork in the road, would be an arduous process in making sure I know and trust those people and their abilities. (I’m also really picky about how my style is drawn, if people were to help. But that’s a discussion for another time) Not everyone has all the time in the world, either! This is a long term project. Keep in mind this story has been developing for over a decade, and while it’s only the last handful of years that I have really kicked everything into overdrive to try and fully piece it all together, it’s still probably got a while to go before I could ever consider it complete. So please, keep all of this in mind.

As I continue structuring and polishing the written story, I wish to release it in divided chunks. When any given chunk comes close to its finish, I’ll be having beta readers scour the texts for a little bit. Placeholder sketches would ideally be littered throughout the story as needed, but by beta reader’s judgement, more or less may be added. That right there, once the beta reading is done, is the end of the road to visuals-ville. That is to say, that’s when I’d start actually drawing out the things that I need.

So now you have some insight on how the process would work. Was it all necessary to explain? Probably not!!! But if I didn’t ramble so much, I don’t think I’d be able to write this story, either. It’s so big x_x.

All of this could be (and probably should have been) summarized to this:

For those who want to help, for those who truly enjoy the content I create for my universe and want to see more of it, I just ask for your support. Seeing likes, reblogs, reading the tags or comments people add onto the content I share, they really, really help keep me motivated. Every piece of fanart makes my day, whether I comment on it or not, I’m always behind the screen getting all giddy and excited that someone cares about the characters and world I’ve poured my heart and soul into. All the asks you guys send, while I can’t always answer all of them, it lets me know there are still people who are interested in the world and want to know more about it. That’s what keeps me wanting to write. So if you want to help, that’s how you can do it right now.

[fawnnbinary]

Hi there!! You know what would be awesome? If you would commission me! Or send me a tip on ko-fi for a quick doodle!

Sketch:

Lined:

Emojis:

I don't have a cute sheet for them yet, and will update this post when I do, but I'm also offering 4-pack emojis of a character of your choice for $12! Here's examples of some I did of Theo, Asher, and Axel!

You can pick the expressions and each expression is $3 each if you wanted to get more or less (ex: just get 2 for $6 or get an extra 2 for a total of $18) These will always be lined and full colored unless you ask for them otherwise!

I also do YCH heart emojis!

These are also $3 each and can be any character, any species, and I can do either solid color hearts or pride flags!!

Here's a quick run down of my commission terms!

If you are interested, contact me either here on tumblr through dms or on discord (current tag is fawnnbinary#1546)

These prices are for one character, but I only charge $3 more for every character!

Reference is immensely appreciated but not required, especially if I am drawing a character I have drawn before or a well known character from popular media

Please give me as much detail as you can! I want to make sure I give you the best content possible!

I can be paid through either p/aypal or c/ashapp, and would prefer to be paid at least half of the price up front and the rest after

You will receive every step of the piece (sketch, lined, colored) up to that that you paid for, as I finish it, so that I can make every change you desire!

For all options, line color can be changed! (ex: if you got a lined, monochrome piece in blue, I could make the lines blue too!)

It isn't clear in my charts, but the second option between full color and uncolored is a monochrome option - which can either be a single block of a single color or done with shades of that color in place of full colors!

If you allow it I will post the finished commission on tumblr with my watermark on it - I automatically put my watermark on all my work, but I can also give you a version without it if you desire!

I will start working asap and if you have a deadline you need a piece by, please tell me! I will prioritize pieces with deadlines given!

My p/aypal is fawnbinary (1 n), cashtag is $fawnnbi, and my kofi is fawnnbinary (2 n) just like this blog!!

I will draw:

ocs

fanart

real people

furries

ship art

nsfw

I won't draw:

mechs

cars

gore

bigoted or illegal material

Here are some examples of my art:

Bonus coupons:

If you give me a "yeehaw" I'll give you a $1 discount 👉👈

Thank you for reading my commissions post!! I love you!! ♥

[franeridart]

Anon said: How are those doodles?? Your "doodles" are a million times better than any of my finished drawings (i love them btw they are so f*cking cute!!!!)

AHHHH THANK YOU!!!! They really are doodles though haha 

Anon said: What are your OCs' names?? They are so cool I'm in love with them ♡♡

If you’re talking about the four in the latest original art post I made, then they’re Chris (with the undercut), Josh (with the long hair), Max (with the scarf) and Leo (with the eyepatch)!! I’m so so happy you like them, they’re old enough to be part of me by now so seeing them liked is always such a warm feeling!!

Anon said: Do you take prompts/suggestions? Sorry I don’t know your policy but would you consider drawing Bokuro ft jealous!Bo? I’ve always headcanoned that Kuroo is really popular with both boys and girls because of his confidence and effortless charm; whether he’s oblivious to this attention despite his intelligence or aware of it yet ignoring it is anyone’s guess~ I always look forward to your art and recently got into Haikyuu!! And damn, I do ship Kuroken too but you have me addicted to Bokuro now *_* ||  Aah finally got the FAQ open (blame mobile tumblr for being a bitch), and yup my last ask is def a suggestion and I hope you’ll consider using it~ Somewhat unrelated, do you regularly add stuff to your red bubble? I love your Kiribaku art but I’m a huge fan of Momo (&Todomomo) and Kuroo (&Bokuro), is there any chance you have something in the works with them up for sale soon? Thanks

GOSH thank you so much for liking my old hq stuff enough to ask for more!! I’m not sure if I’ll get back to drawing bokuro soon, honestly? So I can’t promise that if I’ll go through with the suggestion it’ll be soon, but I’ll definitely keep it in mind for when the mood strikes!! And about the shop, I add to it whenever I feel there’s enough stuff piled up to? Though I plan to start adding more often than that from now on - I don’t really have anything for momo and kuroo to add on rb that isn’t already there, but as soon as I’ll have more of either of them I’ll remember to put them up! Thank you so so much for the interest in buying from me!!

Anon said: Ok but that Kirishima art was absolutely amazing

THANK YOU!!!!! 

Anon said: Hi! First I really really love your art and I make this little muffed scream every time I see your stuff pop up on me feed. You’re amazing!! Second, can I ask how you do shadows? I can never make them look right or lay across my character correctly. Yours always look so amazing

Thank you!!!!!! I actually used to have that same problem with shadows? However much I kept track of where the lightsource was and the shapes I was working with it always looked wrong, somehow - the way I fixed it was by adding more shadows, actually. If you’ll pick any of my colored pieces you’ll see I don’t really put down lights all that often, which means the base color ends up being my light color too, and everything else is just shadows getting darker the further I go from where the light hits the object I’m shading - generally, I use a soft tool like a brush or a marker to very roughly put down where I want the shadows to go, and then using the same tool I smudge and darken it till it looks right to me. I can’t really explain it any better than this? But I have a small tutorial for how I do this in my art tips tag, if you wanna give it a look!

Anon said: I come back to look at your art almost every day, especially when I’m feeling down; so I’d just like to thank you for posting your beautiful art for all of us to experience. On behalf of all of your followers, Thank you! :,)))

Anon you’re gonna make me cryyyyy!!!!!! ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; thank you so so much, both for this ask and for liking my stuff to begin with! <3

Anon said: Your anatomy is so so so so good! And don’t even get me started on your colours! Perfection

GOSH I still have a long long way to go, but thank you so much for thinking so!!! It makes all the effort feel worth it! ( TT^TT)<3

Anon said: I love everything about ur art! from the sketches to the full colored pieces, it's the highlight of my week whenever you post! I was actually wondering where you get the ideas for clothes! I always see the variety and was wondering if you came up with them or are they from somewhere ^v^ keep up the amazing work!!

It’s a mixture of both, actually! I like to look at clothing, both irl (on people I see, or stuff in the shops I visit, or even pics and movies and tv shows!) and drawn too - in anime and illustrations and manga and cartoons! I look at them and try to remember how they’re made, and then when I draw I think about it all and come up with my own by mixing stuff I liked from all those things - unless I see a piece of clothing that’d work just right as it is on a character, in which case I just draw it either as best as I can from memory or, if I have it, using a ref! It’s one of the things I find the most fun when drawing, I’m glad to hear you like what I come up with!! Thank you so much!!!

Anon said: Thoughts on KiriTodo? Because I. Am. Hooked.

I like it!! I don’t actively ship it, since my only actual ship for Kirishima is kiribaku, but I like the look of him with todo, aesthetically, and their friendship is highly entertaining to me, which means their potential relationship in a romantic setting is too - and, as we’ve seen with my very random dip into the non-existent kirijiro fandom, that’s more than enough for me to decide maybe I’ll wanna go and draw for them, one of these days haha

Anon said: Haven't seen KiriSero or KamiSero Fusions yet! Got some ideas for those? (Filling out the Bakusquad pentagon XD)

I really never got around to drawing those, did I! That’s actually surprising, hadn’t you pointed that out I’d have never realized - I’m not doing fusions anymore right now, but maybe I could make an exception for these two............ if the inspiration strikes, why not!

Anon said: Did you see the newer bnha episodes?! Miritama made it feel like a shoujo... (In a good way)

THIS IS SO OLD OH GOD sorry I didn’t get around to answering this sooner!!! The miritama relationship is really wonderful, isn’t it? They make me cry so much, soft warm boys, so in love............. TT’’’TT <3<3<3

Anon said: This whole year has been a trainwreck for me and your blog was one of the few things that stayed constant, so thank you for being my favorite spot on the internet. Hope you keep drawing and I love your art so much!

AH, THANK YOU! I really really hope I’ll keep on drawing too!!! I’ll do my best 💪💪

Anon said: Some days I’ll just sit in bed at 2 am and be like “I need a hug” and then I read ur blog and it’s like a safe mental hug. So thanks for that.

That’s!!!!!!!!!! so sweet oh my god!!!!!!!!! ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; I’m so glad my stuff can make you feel warm like that, anon!! <3<3

Anon said: So it says you don't do requests in your faq does that include commissions as well

Not right now!! Maybe sometime at the beginning of next month, ✨Stay Tuned✨

Anon said: Hellooo hope you are having a good day. It's always so fun to scroll through your blogs and enjoy your art 💕💕 Idk if it's a little weird to ask but I also love your old aokaga art and I was wondering if you had any interest left in that fandom or would ever consider drawing for it again? xx

Gods, I really don’t know? It’s been so long since I’ve last engaged with anything related to knb........ I still do love the ship though, so, maybe? I really have no clue, I might though!! Thank you so much for liking even such old things from me!!!!

[kaymarie6252]

Quirkless AU Part Two

Gonna post this before going to bed. I finished part two finally!! If you haven’t already read part one, I linked that part below for you to go back and read it. Hopefully you Enjoy this part. I’m excited for what will happen in the next couple of parts. As always, feedback is welcome. Please let me know if the link to Part One doesn’t work if you try to use it. This is the first time I have linked something on here so I’m not sure I did it right. 

Read Part One Here

--------------------------------

The week after his first support group meeting went similarly as it always does. Izuku was still at his middle school and still facing the ridicule from his classmates. Every day, Izuku would face someone at school who would either engage in emotional or physical bullying. Izuku once hoped that after constantly going through emotional and physical pain, he would eventually become numb. That one day the pain from the words and blows would just disappear and leave Izuku an empty shell. However, this never happened. Izuku felt every word and every physical blow. They crumbled what little self-esteem that Izuku had left, filling him with negative thoughts and self-doubt.

This only became worse since the crushing failure of the U.A. exam. At least before, Izuku was able to hold on to a shred of hope, but that hope disappeared when he failed the exam. Now every cruel word said to him and every punch thrown at him are like concrete bricks hooking on to him and dragging him deep down into despair. 

Although Izuku didn’t want to go to the support group, he was at least a little curious about if the other kids felt similarly as he did. So when the day of the support group arrived, he wasn’t as resistant getting in the car as the week before. Inko dropped him off and left him to walk inside by himself. He slowly made his way inside and down the hall to the room. Walking inside, he saw that he was the first one there. He sat down in the same seat, pulled a notebook out of his backpack, and began doodling on the pages. His notebooks were once the home for notes on every pro hero that he could use to help him become a great hero. However, Izuku didn’t see the point anymore. Instead, he filled the pages with little doodles when he was bored.

“Broccoli boy! You’re back.” Y/N called when they walked through the door. Izuku looked up from his notebook and nodded his head.

“I am and my name is Izuku.” He retorted back at them. They rolled their eyes before plopping into the seat next to Izuku.

“I like broccoli boy better, so that’s what I’m going to call you.” They said, folding their arms and giving Izuku a look. Izuku stared back at them for a few moments before shrugging his shoulders.

“Fine. Whatever.” Izuku mumbled, turning back to his drawings. They sat in silence as other group members trickled in through the doors. He could feel Y/N’s eyes on him, but he refused to look up. After a few more minutes, the group counselor arrived and started the meeting. After the usual introductions of everyone in the group, the counselor had them all go around the room and share how they felt when they found out they were quirkless, and how they felt now. Izuku rolled his eyes at how cliche the exercise was. This is stupid. It’s not going to help anyone. He thought to himself.

“Izuku! How about you go first today?” The counselor called cheerily. Izuku looked up at her, his face flushed.

“Oh, u-um. Okay. Well, I remember feeling like my dreams were crushed when I found out. I was four and all I ever wanted was to be a hero. However, after feeling crushed briefly, I went back to believing that I would be a hero. That was all crushed again recently after the U.A. exam. Now I just feel… angry and sad.” Izuku explained, looking down at his hands. He looked up at the end of his explanation and saw the counselor staring at him with a soft smile.

“It’s okay to feel those things. You’re going through a grieving process. It’s as if you’re grieving a part of you that was lost after the exam. It will get better with time. Thank you for sharing. How about Y/N goes next?” The counselor moved her stare to focus on Y/N. Y/N groaned, but started sharing as well.

“I was sad when I found out when I was five. I remember blaming my parents a lot and thinking that they did something to get rid of my quirk. Now I’m not as sad. I’m pissed that I don’t have a quirk. How is it fair that there are asshole people out there that get to have these awesome quirks and we are stuck without one. I’m pissed that I have to be stuck doing a lame-ass job because I can’t become a hero without a quirk.” Izuku could see that Y/N was getting angrier by the second and the counselor quickly jumped in.

“I completely understand how you’re feeling. You’re right. It’s not fair. But there are still some awesome jobs that you can do even without a quirk. Thanks for sharing Y/N. How about we have Kyo go next?”

“Doubt it.” Y/N grumbled under their breath as the counselor moved on to the next person. They glanced up at Izuku before turning slightly in their chair to stare out of the window. Izuku tried to pay attention to the other kids in the group and what they were saying. A lot of the kids talked about similar feelings as Izuku. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, it was nice knowing that there were other people out there that felt similarly as he did.

After having to engage in multiple exercises the counselor thought would help them to work through their feelings, the counselor dismissed them for the day. Relieved, Izuku quickly grabbed his backpack and walked outside. Unfortunately for him, his mother was not here yet to pick him up. He sat on the front steps outside of the building and pulled out his phone.

“Do you also feel like this support group is bullshit?” Izuku looked up to see Y/N standing above him. Y/N sat down next to him on the steps.

“On some level, yes. But I also know that it’s supposed to help us.” Izuku answered. He slipped his phone back into his pocket.

“I don’t know how continuously talking about how we are mad or sad about being quirkless is supposed to help us.” Y/N grumbled, picking up little pieces of gravel from the sidewalk and rolling them down the steps.

“I agree. I guess it’s supposed to help us not feel alone.” Izuku offered, shrugging his shoulders. Y/N huffed but didn’t say anything. They both sat in silence for a few minutes, just watching the cars pass on the street.

“Do you ever feel like just running away?” Y/N said quietly. Izuku looked up at them, concern displayed on his face. “Sometimes I feel like if I run away, I could start over. Yes I would still be quirkless, but I wouldn’t be surrounded by the assholes I am now. I could change my story; I could still be a hero.”

“How? Without a quirk we can’t be heroes.” Izuku said in confusion. Y/N rolled their eyes at him and rolled another small piece of gravel down the steps.

“Pro heroes maybe, but we could still be other types of heroes. Ever heard of a vigilante before?” Y/N explained, looking over at Izuku. Izuku remembers hearing about vigilantes and their groups in the past, but doesn’t have extensive knowledge on them.

“I’ve heard of them, just don’t know a lot about them.” Izuku muttered. Y/N rolled their eyes before leaning back and looking up at the sky.

“Vigilantes are the next best thing to heroes in my opinion. They do all the same things that heroes do, just aren’t as in the spotlight.” Y/N explains, still looking up at the sky. Izuku glanced over at them and studied their face.

“And they don’t get paid” Izuku stated. Y/N laughed softly and nodded.

“Yeah, you’re right about that. But I didn’t want to be a hero just to get paid. I wanted to help people.” Y/N added softly, picking the frayed strings on the holes in their jeans. Izuku nodded his head in agreement.

“Aren’t vigilantes illegal though?” Izuku asked, curious. He remembered seeing news articles discussing the laws on vigilantes and how it can impact the work that heroes do.

“Technically yes, but there are many vigilantes out there that are able to do hero work without getting caught.” Y/N said, looking over at Izuku.

“Yeah, but I bet they all have quirks that help them out.” Izuku mumbled, looking at the ground. Before Y/N could respond, Inko’s car pulled up to the curb, the horn honking loudly. Izuku grabbed his backpack and stood up. “See you next week, I guess.” He said, looking over at Y/N. Y/N gave a small smile and a nod.

“See you.” They said. Y/N stood up and started walking down the street. Izuku climbed into the car.

“Did you make a friend Izuku?” Inko asked, staring at Y/N’s retreating figure. Izuku looked out of the window at Y/N as well.

“I think so.” Izuku answered. Inko clapped her hands together before pulling away from the curb.

“Oh good! I’m glad you’re making friends sweetie!” Inko said cheerily, smiling over at Izuku. Izuku smiled back before looking out of the car window. His mind flashed back to his and Y/N’s conversation after the group. Vigilantes were an interesting concept, but Izuku knew nearly nothing about them. He promised himself that he would do some research about them over the week before the next support group.

[badwolfwrites-sometimes]

Drawn Together

Hi! This is my first fanfic so criticism is welcome and encouraged. I'll probably update it slowly tho...

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923374/chapters/44924251

The wheel of fortune never stops spinning.

Who was on the top, now is on the bottom.

And who was on the bottom, now is on the top.

-Giovanni Gondola, Osman

Feliciano never expected his entire life to change after a single doodle, but there it was. And it was not just a beautiful dream.

Chapter 1

Venice, 2018

"I have to buy more blue and green." Came from a young man watering his tulips on the windowsill. He brushed his light brown hair with his fingers away from his face, allowing it to bathe in the early morning sun rays. He wasn't normally the person who would wake up early in the morning, but duty calls and he had work to do.

His brothers had yet to wake up and, if we're being honest, he enjoyed the morning silence. It was always very noisy in the house. His younger brother Romeo had a habit of singing loudly and, sometimes, off key which pisses off his eldest brother Lovino. It was a good thing they lived a bit outside of Venice and not in the centre or else the neighbours would complain all the time.

And he, a stunning 22 year old man who answers to Feliciano, was always just there. He wasn't really all that flashy like his brothers. Sure, he had his talents, one being art which was also his job, but he was mostly known as the happy one from the Vargas family. Maybe that was for the best.

He just finished watering his tulips when he heard a loud thud followed by a bad word you probably shouldn't teach to your kids. Lovino was awake and if he wanted to live to finish his painting of the Adriatic Sea, he better make him some coffee.

He set down the watering pot and started the coffee machine. Knowing his brother, he has about 20 minutes till he gets ready enough to come down to the kitchen. Just enough time to make breakfast as well.

Feliciano opened the bottom drawer next to the washing machine to take some bread Romeo baked the night before as well as some jam and Nutella from the table next to the stove. He knew Lovino liked it when he made his special half jam half Nutella bread, even though the latter would never admit that.

Lovino was down right on time for breakfast and coffee which means Feliciano gets to live for one more day.

"Morning." Lovino greeted, his voice still sore from sleeping.

"Good morning, Lovi!" Feliciano returned and offered his brother two pieces of bread and his cup of coffee with some anime girls on it. "Are you driving Romeo to collage today?"

"No. Midget can walk to his collage. Maybe he gets some tan from the stupid sun blinding my eyes at 4 in the damn morning."

Despite being the shortest of the three, Lovino still had a bad habit of calling his brothers midgets. Talk about Napoleon complex.

"I was thinking we should all take a walk. It's a nice day and it's been too long since we took a walk together. Plus I need to buy more paint." Feliciano smiled as he made his own cup of coffee, with a picture of the Colosseum on it, and sat down beside his brother.

"When are you gonna get a real job? You can't just draw for a living. Get an actual job that pays well and you can do art in your spare time." Lovino looked at Feliciano, who has most certianly heard this all before.

"It's what I love, Lovi. It's what I want to do with my life. Believe it or not, money isn't everything in the world. I want to be happy with my life. I don't wanna waste it doing something I hate just because it pays well." Feliciano rolled his eyes.

"So you're planning on living off Grandpa's allowances, love and some drawings? That's more miserable than doing what you hate. I hate my job, do you see me miserable? No. Then why can't you do the same?"

"Because I'm not you and I don't wanna talk about this. It's my choice, Lovi. Not yours."

And with that the conversation died, the two brothers continuing their breakfast in awkward silence. Until...

There was a loud thumping and a red headed boy was before them in less than a minute. His messy hair falling on his face, the eyebags still visible. He was gasping for his breath.

"Why didn't anyone wake me up?!" He said in between smaller gasps.

"Romeo, you're 19. You're old enough to wake yourself up." Lovino said, not remotely fazed by his brother's state.

"Um, no. If you woke up before me, you should have woken me up. You know my phone alarm doesn't work. Or my phone at all."

"Fratellino, calm down. You're not in high school anymore, your collage doesn't start till 9. It's 6:40." Feliciano laughed. He had the same problem when he left high school too.

Romeo looked at the clock. It showed 6:40. His high school would start at 7 AM. His body still wasn't used to the new surrounding that was collage. He buried his head in his hands and sat down. "What's for breakfast?"

"My speciality." Feliciano offered him some Nutella-jam bread.

"I love it when you get up early."

"I know you do." Feliciano laughed and the breakfast was continued.

It was 8:00 when Romeo left the house for collage, leaving Lovino and Feliciano alone. Lovino was getting ready in his room while Feliciano wrote the list of things he needed to buy. They were running low on coffee and milk, but most importantly Feliciano wanted to buy a new brush. His old one had far too many stray hairs to be used for delicate painting. It's a shame, but he had it since he was little. Of course he needed a new one.

"Are you done?" Lovino asked, spraying himself with some 'manly' perfume that smelled like plastic strawberry.

"Yeah, I'm done. I just have to find my jacket." Feliciano said, throwing every single jacket they had hanging in the hallway on the floor. A strange method, but it worked because he found his dark green fall jacket and returned all the others back on the stall.

"Good. Let's go. I have to go to the town for some buissness so if we don't hurry bye bye vaporetto." Lovino cringed at the reaction his brother made. They lived close to Venice, but they still had to travel by a smaller ship called vaporetto to get to it. It was inconvenient, but it was good for the tourist season.

Feliciano practically skipped the whole way to the port. There was one vaporetto waiting for people to board. Lovino entered inside to ask when it will be leaving and to pay for their ticket. Feliciano waited outside for his brother and when he exited the room to tell Feliciano they will be leaving soon, Feliciano boarded the ship.

The ride to Venice would usually take them about 45 minutes to a full hour, depending on whether or not there were many tourist groups. Today there was only two of them. Germans. Feliciano had taken a course on German in middle school, but he had mostly forgotten it. He understood that they were talking about some kind of new book that was a hit among youth in Germany. A book about Venice itself. He wished he still knew how to speak German. He would have asked for a title.

They arrived on Riva degli Schiavoni, a bridge and a walk away from the magnificent Basilica di San Marco and it's large Piazza which was always crowded with either people or pigeons. Feliciano loved to run into pigeons, loving the way their wings moved as they flew away. He wanted to do that now, but apparently his brother wasn't planning on more walking and was talking, rather happily, to their old friend Antonio, who was a gondolier.

"Feli! I gotta go to post office, not pigeon chasing! Get your ass over here!" Lovino yelled, reverting back to his moody attitude. He jumped into the gondola and sat down, crossing his arms and legs.

"I'm coming, quit yelling! Hi Toni! I hope Lovi pays you for this." Feliciano greeted and jumped into the gondola and sat down next to his brother. He was looking foward to going under Ponte dei Sospiri. He was even preparing himself to breathe out while going under it.

"It's always free for you three. We're friends after all. Lovi can pay me with a little drink after I'm done with my shift." Antonio said as he adjusted his gondola and softly made his way to the post office near the Church of San Salvador.

Feliciano enjoyed everything he saw. He was born here, but in his entire lifetime he could never comprehend Venice's entire beauty. It was only when he saw a bookstore hidden well among tall buildings and restaurants, that he snapped himself out of the trance.

"Hey Toni, do you think you could bring me right here while we wait for Lovi to do his thing?" He asked, turning around to look at Antonio.

Antonio brushed his curly dark brown hair away from his green eyes and nodded at Feliciano. "Sure! Saw something pretty?"

"Yeah, a bookstore. It had a nice design and I wanted to check it out. Plus I need to buy more paint and bookstores tend to have good ones." He answered happily, oblivious to his brother rolling his eyes.

The ride to the post office was relatively short and quiet, with occasional comments from Feliciano and Antonio asking how their grandpa was doing. They dropped off Lovino and were on their way back to the bookstore Feliciano saw.

"You got a book in mind to buy?" Antonio asked.

"Maybe. I overheard some German tourist talking about this book about Venice or something. I thought I should check if they had it." Feliciano smiled softly at Antonio.

"I think I know what you're talking about. Armando recently bought this book called Silence in Venice, by a German author. I asked my German friend about it and he told me that it was all the rage in Germany now. Apparently, it's a love story about a boy who goes to war and leaves behind his childhood love. That's all I know, Andy didn't tell me much else to avoid spoilers as he says."

"A love story... I really like those. Thanks, Toni!"

Soon they arrived and Feliciano hugged Antonio as a thanks, promising he won't be long.

He entered the bookstore and was immediately striken by the smell of new books. That wonderful scent of paper that was about to be touched and read by many. It was so pleasant, he would have just kept standing there forever. But he had to move, Antonio was waiting for him outside and maybe even Lovino. Knowing his brother, if he waited longer than 10 minutes, he would lose his already short temper.

Feliciano quickly found the desired shades of blue and green as well as a new paintbrush that had small drawings on it. It was a bit more expensive than the normal brush, but it spoke to his soul so... how could he say no?

He was about to go pay for his things, when a book cover caught his eye. It had a picture of two people, a boy and a girl, on Ponte di Rialto, embracing each other like they were about to lose each other. The girl had long light brown hair tied in two side braids and was wearing a beautiful green dress. The boy had blonde hair that looked like it was previously slicked back, but messed up by the wind, and was wearing a war uniform. Feliciano knew which book it was. The title read Il Silenzio a Venezia. Silence in Venice. The book Antonio recommended to him.

Feliciano couldn't resist it. He bought it and happily skipped to the gondola on which Antonio waited for him. He clutched the book in his arms close to his chest, impatiently waiting to read it.

[rockwell-light]

Goals for the New Year (2019 edition!)

Looking back at last year's journal I was pretty unfocused about my goals |D I think I had a vague idea of essentially wanting to share more of my OCs, wanting to post more, and wanting to make more time to interact with folks and draw. This year I've got a lot more substance to what I want, er, maybe a little too much? Let's review 2018 and then my new goals ;v;

What I did accomplish:

I ended up starting to make character reference sheets as a start to sharing my OCs, which wasn't a bad way to go <: This year I'd like to continue that trend for sure! It's helping me nail down appearances for some characters that have only been strictly written before, and finalizing/updating appearances for characters that I've drawn for a long time. I initially started with really clean references and then moved into more sketchy ones for the sake of saving time, and I'll probably continue to do that for most of my characters and side projects, minus the really important ones (I intend to give Rock, Cale, and Vox clean refs, for example). I also managed to post at least once every month here which was a goal of mine last year, and I'm very proud of myself for that

It seems like such a small amount of times to upload art (a minimum of 12 times all year) but it's a goal that seemed challenging with my lack of free time.

I am still working on making more time to draw and be social. The job I started at the beginning of last year really dug into my time and energy, and I ended up springing for a new one during the holidays. I've been told that somewhere probably from mid to late January (or maybe early February depending on how long it takes to train new folks) I'll be able to have less hours on my plate. This is a big deal because art is what I want to do most, and with more people slowly offering to commission me, I desperately want to have the time to do said commissions. I have turned down several friends and clients when asked (or not responded because I was unsure how to explain myself), purely because I didn't feel I could do even a single image in a timely manner, and I didn't want them waiting months for something they paid for. Fingers crossed this will be changing soon!

But that rolls into more things I did do! I took way more commissions last year than I have before, and I have a small steady queue of folks who would like more that I want to get back to! I also tried some YCHs and adopts and had some success there as well ;v; It was a goal of mine to really work at that stuff and even if it's a small amount compared to other artists, I'm really excited about it!

I also had my first ever convention table! My fiancee Cristal ( @hellscythearts ) and I got to sell our prints at an anime/geek convention and that was a dream come true! I've wanted to do that ever since attending my very first convention when I was really young. I also got a lot of practice in with clean line art and cell shading, which are two things I've always wanted to get better at, but had no confidence in ;v; and this year I really liked a lot of my pieces, enough to sell them as prints even!

What I didn't do:

I didn't end up sharing as much about my characters as I wanted to, or starting any big projects (curse you anxiety and time management!). While I did start making references for a lot of them (and their alternate universe variations because we have way too many AU versions hanging around), I didn't actually finish all of the references I wanted to. I also haven't actually TALKED about them that much outside of those posts.

There haven't been a lot of written snippets with large illustrations, or drabbles/plain writing shared. I also only did a handful of small comics when I'd hoped to do more to showcase their personalities. I do like the ones I did, I just want to do more! I'm still nervous to go in depth with many of them, even if their appearances are appealing I worry about their characterization or stories being uninteresting ;v; but I need to remind myself that I like writing them, and that should be the most important part. It's just a bonus if you guys end up liking them too!

I also didn't end up with a job that gave me more time but WE'LL SEE ABOUT THIS NEWEST ONE NOW THAT THE HOLIDAYS ARE WINDING DOWN.

What I want to do:

Okay, I have a lot of different ideas for what I'd like to work on this year. I'm going to lay out WAY TOO MANY GOALS, with the understanding to myself that I don't need to accomplish all of them. Even just one is okay. Please remind me of that too if I get too down on myself and my progress ;v; I want to do a lot but I need to take it easy on myself when it comes to productivity and output just because art isn't my main occupation yet. These goals are not listed in any particular order or priority!

Keep making references! There are lots of characters I didn't get to yet, and I want to at least get to the "main" ones and their original versions. Other sketchy AU refs are a bonus.

ACTUALLY SHARE PARTS OF MY OC'S STORIES AND MORE ABOUT THEM. This could be comics, drabbles, journal memes, or written snippets with art. It doesn't matter, make me post about my OCsand not just leave cool doodles and no information. I want you guys to start getting to know them like I know them.

COMICS. I want to start making comics. Both one off comics about my characters like I did in 2018, but also more structured ones. Cristal and I have so much writing done, and a few character stories that are basically finished, so no more excuses not to get drawing on at least one of those ones!

More Youtube: I have two different ideas about this. Last year I posted one speedpaint video almost every month, excluding November and December (although I did three in October so???) I want to try and keep that momentum. But I also want to try my hand at some other things-- specifically small animations. These would be pretty non-serious stuff, and mostly a lot of memes that fit my OCs, or maybe small 10-30 second scenes with music. So every month if I can, I'd like to post EITHER A SPEEDPAINT OR SHOT ANIMATION (with or without audio).

Attend more conventions! We've signed up for some so this is really just not to get discouraged and to keep signing up as more open. I know we won't get into all of them but I want to try to start doing it more regularly, being a part time convention artist is really appealing to me. Our first time was honestly like being paid to be on vacation and it was super good for my anxiety and stress issues.

Keep accepting commissions: It would be cool if I could take more of them this year, but I'd at least like to keep doing them at all. For the tail end of last year my momentum really died down and I stopped taking almost any. I'm not sure what a realistic goal/number here would be, so I'm sort of stuck on -take them at all- right now.

Continue posting art at least once a month to dA/twitter/tumblr! My standards with this goal are pretty loose. Big illustrations would be the ideal, but comics and references or weird experimental art are also a-okay. I want to stay lax about this.

Again, I don't need to do all of these goals. Heck I could probably rotate them a little through the year. These are just all the things I'd like to work on. Drawing and writing and animating are like, the things I've always wanted to do with my life, and I keep being afraid to put myself out there more. It can be hard to balance work with this (at the moment I'm doing A LOT OF OVERTIME), but it's ultimately what would make me the most happy. I want to be financially stable, but still be creatively fulfilled. Ideally I think working part time and then taking commissions/doing conventions/comics is where I want to shoot for, so we'll see what the year brings ;v;  

Now!!! Tell me about YOUR goals. What do you want to do this year creatively? How do you want to improve your art/writing? What about none art related things? How did you do with last year? Did you make progress? Did you find something new you're passionate about/interested in? What about non-art goals?

[lyssala]

Stars

Pairings: Terra/Aqua, Slightly Implied Cloud/Tifa, Kingdom Hearts

Settings: Modern AU; Terra is the new kid at Aqua’s small private school

Rating: K+

Notes:  @mimiplaysgames sent me a post with some High School Aus and one was “Person A doodling on Person B’s arm while not paying attention in class” and I just had this sweet image of Aqua and Terra getting highly distracted in the middle of class. I also like to picture him as an artist sometimes so this captured that too. As much as I love them as childhood friends sometimes it’s fun to play with if they haven’t known each other since childhood too!

AO3

Stars

Aqua was very relieved she was a morning person when she saw her quarter schedule with organic chemistry right at the top. That was just mean to any teenager who couldn’t function before a certain hour.

Considering when she walked into the science lab most all her classmates looked like they were zombies even though it was two months into the school year seemed to prove her point. She peeked around the tables set up to face the front of the room, maneuvering down the aisle to her assigned seat. She usually stopped by to say good morning to Tifa but she wasn’t at her table yet; she probably begged Cloud to stop for breakfast making them late once again.

A few other classmates who were awake enough nodded or waved to Aqua which she politely responded to. As far as private schools went, hers wasn’t the worst but it was small. Classes were usually combined with other grades to make them a little bigger, but it also meant teachers were more able to help since the classes were so small. That she did like, though she could do without the strict dress code sometimes.

She stopped at her table, a smile pulling at her lips when she saw a body hunched over the surface, mess of brown hair sticking up from where his face was tucked onto his arms.

Aqua carefully sat down at the stool, placing her bag on the table as to not scare him but it didn’t work.

Terra popped his head up, sleepy blue eyes watching her.

“Didn’t mean to wake you up,” she said, trying not to laugh as she went to pull out her books.

“Better than an alarm clock,” he murmured. He leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms over his head and leaving the contents of what he was sleeping on out in the open.

She tried not to pry and respect her lab partner’s privacy but it was always hard not to want to see what he had drawn all over his chemistry notes. Sure, they sat together every morning in this class, but she really only knew him for about two months now. He was quiet and kept to himself more often than not so Aqua didn’t want to push it by getting too nosey. Terra seemed so surprised the first time she complimented his art that she thought maybe it was pushy of her to look without asking.

“Early morning?” Aqua asked, dropping her bag by her feet.

“That’s what I get for having a dad who’s a teacher.” Terra yawned slightly, dropping his hands back to the table.

“Oh, that’s right. I almost forgot. He teaches World History right? For the freshman and sophomores?”

“Yeah,” Terra said. “Probably because he didn’t wanna have to teach me again.”

Aqua was about to ask what it was like having to be taught by your parent but Tifa’s voice echoed slightly outside the door. Sure enough there she was half in the doorway, hands full with a coffee cup and a brown bag as she talked to someone still in the hallway; chances are it was Cloud who had a different class first period. Tifa smiled and waved when she caught Aqua’s eyes, scurrying in as their teacher walked in behind her.

“Morning,” Tifa said, checking over her shoulder to make sure Mr. Highwind was still setting up. “Here, snuck you something but eat it quick before he notices.” Tifa dropped the brown bag into Aqua’s hands.

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that, but thank you,” she said while Tifa was already walking to her table across from Aqua.

“It’s nothing,” Tifa waved her off. “Happy Friday.”

Aqua pulled open the bag to see one of her favorite treats sitting there. Her stomach growled just at the sight. “You remembered my mom is on a health food kick didn’t you?”

“I got you, girl,” Tifa said with a smile over her coffee.

Aqua reached in to pull out the chocolate frosted donut in all its sugary glory. It was a sight for sore eyes; what kind of insane person banned chocolate from a household? She was about to take the biggest bite humanly possible when she glanced over to Terra. Yeah, was probably good not to eat like a slob in front of probably the cutest boy in school.

He was looking back down at his notebook, pen in his hand as he aimlessly drew something on the lined paper.

“You want to split it?” she asked.

Terra looked up, a sort of smile on his lips. “And deprive you of much missed sugar? How could I.”

“I am a generous person, I can always share my sugar. Plus if I don’t shove this whole thing in my mouth right now, Mr. Highwind will take it.”

“Fair point.” Terra held out his hand as Aqua broke the donut in half, placing one piece in his hand.

As much as she wanted to savor the sweet tastes, she had to eat it in just a few bites or risk getting yelled at for having food in the lab. Terra on the other hand kept most of it on his notebook, just eating a small bite at a time.

Terra he was…he was something.

New kids didn’t come in too often, only a handful every now and then so it was a little bit of a surprise at the beginning of her junior year there was not only a new teacher but a new student too. Terra was a year older but he was in most her classes as seniors usually were. Most the time students flocked to the new kids as they were, well, new and shiny so to speak. Some of the more popular kids did try with Terra but he was a mix of unreceptive to social situations and also just sort of looked intimidating with his tall stature and sharp facial features that most kind of gave up. The more athletically inclined students tried too thinking someone like him was born to play football, but he never had any interest in that either.

Even Aqua who always tried to be accepting with everyone wasn’t sure what to make of him when she was assigned to be his lab partner for the semester. It didn’t really take that long to get a different opinion of him though.

He wasn’t frightening or intimidating at all; he was quiet. He didn’t really voice his thoughts very much nor did he really even talk back whenever she tried to talk to him in class but his eyes were expressive, he was listening to her and engaging even if he didn’t vocally say anything. She knew by the calluses, the dried paint, the ink smudges that showed up on his hands sometimes that despite the fact most people thought he had to be a jock, he was an artist.

In the two months she shared a table with him for 45 minutes almost every day she knew he was gentle and patient, thoughtful but still had a sense of humor. That he really only opened up to people when he felt comfortable and she hoped he did feel comfortable with her. Because she liked him…a lot; it was probably best not to think about how much.

“Is it not good?” she asked, watching him pick at the last bit of the donut.

“Hmm? Oh, no, it’s fine,” he said.

“Then why are you looking at it like it killed your dog?”

He snorted, smiling pulling at his lips enough so she could see his dimples coming out. She took a little bit of pride in the fact she was pretty sure most the school didn’t even know he had them, but she did.

“I’m not a big sweets person.” Though he did pop the last of it in his mouth.

“Is it too late to switch lab partners?”

“I don’t think difference in food tastes qualifies in swapping lab partners.” His smile always made his eyes look a lot brighter, made his face softer.

Aqua had no idea why the girls in this school weren’t throwing themselves at him, well, not that she was complaining. It was kind of nice not to feel like she had to compete with other girls just to get someone she liked to look at her; though it would be nice if she could finally convince him to sit at their table for lunch but baby steps. He had a comfort level just like everyone else.

“But it’s like I tell my brother,” Terra said, propping his chin up in his hand as he tapped his pen with the other. “More for you then.”

It was hard not to smile. “That is something I can get behind.”

“Miss Lockheart,” Mr. Highwind’s rough voice boomed in the room. “I do hope that drink of yours is covered.”

“Of course,” Tifa smiled, holding the cup up slightly.

“Alright, let’s get started then. We’re about to start a new section and no, I haven’t graded your tests yet so don’t bother asking. Open your books and let’s get a move on.”

Aqua admittedly did enjoy school and learning, but even chemistry first thing in the morning could be a little much for her. She followed along in the book, listened, took notes, asked questions when she needed to and sometimes she still couldn’t quite follow. Terra on the other hand would spend class occasionally looking up to write notes in his messy handwriting but usually filled his pages with more drawings than anything else.

She knew he paid attention and she knew he was smart as she managed to get him to study with her for the past test during a shared study hall. She just wished she had the ability to listen and absorb like he did.

It was also so distracting to watch him focus on the paper, biting his lower lip every so often as he finished another small drawing; mainly because it was much better than whatever Mr. Highwind was talking about.

“I like that one,” she whispered, reaching over to tap a small portrait of a boy. Aqua didn’t know who he was or if he was anyone, but Terra drew the boy with bright eyes and a toothy grin, hair sticking up all over the place.

Terra didn’t look too surprised when he glanced up at her, maybe he had gotten used to her compliments now. “Yeah? It’s my brother.”

Aqua clicked her tongue. “He’s a cutie.”

“I’m not telling him that,” Terra snorted softly, going back to drawing on the other side of the page.

“And why not?”

He shook his head. “Pretty girl like you telling him he’s cute? It’ll go straight to his head.”

Aqua blinked at Terra, her being the one unsure what to say for once. That was the first time he ever said anything about her looks, and he seemed to realize it too as he quickly looked back up to the board to see where Mr. Highwind was.

She did the same but it was even harder to concentrate now. Did Terra really think she was pretty? Would it mean anything even if he did? She certainly didn’t think she was, well, not compared to some of the girls here. It probably didn’t mean anything, how could it?

Aqua went back to try and take some notes but nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt Terra gently tap her arm. She looked over to see him watching her, pen still in his other hand.

“Can I see your arm?”

She must’ve looked confused because he gave her a smile.

“You always say nice things about, ah, you know, when I draw. I thought I could, well, um, do something for you.” He paused. “Helps me concentrate.”

Aqua wasn’t sure what to say so she just nodded, extending her arm onto the table. He gave her a small smile in thanks and carefully leaned over. She almost jumped again when she felt him put his hand on her arm but it was almost reassuring in a way.

The ballpoint of the pen was cool on her skin, she could almost feel the ink drawing onto her skin. Her mom would probably kill her but Aqua honestly didn’t care, not when she watched Terra’s simple lines turn into beautiful curves of her name. It wasn’t like she never saw her name written before, but not like this, not with such elegant script and not from him. While she was aware he probably knew her name, he never actually said it to her before. Seeing it spelled so gracefully on her made her chest feel a little light.

She thought that would be it when he reached the final curve of the last “a” in her name but he moved his hand about her name, drawing a quick half-moon, moving to some wispy clouds she wasn’t even sure how he could do with a single colored pen but he did. Then there were the stars. He drew them all around, different sizes, different shapes but it was mesmerizing to watch.

Aqua had zero idea what was going on in class, but she could care less.

“You wear them a lot,” he said, voice hushed as he finished another line. “The stars. Your bag, your jewelry so it makes me think of you.”

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed. Not even just the drawing, she never knew he noticed so much about her.

He snorted, like he didn’t quite believe it. “Just doodles.”

“You should be a tattoo artist, you’re really good at this.”

“Yeah, you tell my dad that, please, I’d love to see it.”

“Miss Queen, Mr. Hale,” Mr. Highwind’s voice echoed so much Aqua nearly fell off her stool while Terra looked up, pen slipping from his hand. Mr. Highwind was staring at the both of them, which meant so was most the class now. “Do either of you plan on paying attention at all this period or do you have more important things to discuss? Cause by all means, don’t let me get in the way.”

The snickers started and Aqua felt her face heat up; she could even see Tifa and that glint in her eyes knowing Aqua was never going to be able to live this down.

Mr. Highwind was clearly waiting for an answer but her stomach was sinking so much that she not only got herself called out but Terra too who probably felt more embarrassed than she was.

“No, sir,” he said, his voice surprisingly firm.

“Pay attention, please,” Mr. Highwind said because turning back to the board to continue the lecture.

There was still some giggling but mostly everyone went back to their own books and notes. Aqua risked a look over to Terra who had already let go of her arm.

“Sorry,” he mouthed to her, but still with that half smile of is.

She shook her head to let him know it was fine, but it was also the first time she got to see the drawing he did in full as she brought her arm back towards her. He might’ve just been doodling, but it was beautiful. The fact he picked up on so many nuances about her with just the small conversations they had spoke so much about him as a person.

Aqua looked up to try and tell him how much she loved it but he was already grinning at her, toothy smile that she now knew his brother must’ve gotten from him. There was still so much she wanted to know about Terra, so much she wanted to just be around him and the type of energy he brought. Others might not see it, but she sure as hell did.

She picked up her pen and quickly wrote a few words down before sliding the notebook to him.

Will you eat lunch with us today?

She tried not to bother him and let him do things at his own speed but she just had to try. This was a person she wanted around so much more. He may not know it yet but she did; he was special.

Terra laughed lightly, but he picked up his pen and reached over.

Yes.

[meihemsecretsanta]

Meihem Secret Santa 2017 – FAQ

Dear visitors, 

welcome to the Meihem Secret Santa blog!

Earlier on this year, a few of us have organized a Meihem Secret Valentine Gift Exchange.

We’re still overjoyed that the event made so many people happy, was the origin of so many wonderful creative content results, and even had some people state that they hope that more events like this can happen!

So, without further ado, this Meihem Secret Santa blog is now open, for this and hopefully for more years to come:

1.) What is this about?

The Meihem Secret Santa is a creative gift exchange from Meihem fans for Meihem fans! Everyone who applies will be gifted by another participant by surprise that will make one of their holiday meihem wishes come true!

 2.) What kind of gifts are those?

All gifts are based on the OW ship Meihem – The wishes for your gift can be Christmas/Holidays/Winter related, but they do not necessarily have to be! 

Those gifts could be fanart, fanfiction, edits…It could be even something entirely different (animations, videos, craftings, and much more!) that we did not think of, yet! Anything you could offer as a nice gift is most welcome!

 3.) Sounds great! Where can I participate?

Our application form to fill out can be found RIGHT HERE!

 4.) How long are the applications open?

Applications will be accepted from October 28th until November 28th!

 5.) I would LOVE to participate, but I am afraid that I cannot make a gift myself :(…

Fear not! You can still participate! :D

We are well aware that some of our fellow meihem fans are great supporters, friends and shippers that love seeing new content, but unfortunately cannot create meihem content themselves…However, the main reason for such an event is to bring happiness and joy to the fans <3

Which is why content-creating participants can also volunteer as SUPER Secret Santas!

A SUPER Secret Santa is a person who not only volunteers to help out in case another participant can not finish their gift and has to drop out of the event for any kind of reason.

Furthermore, they also volunteer to make an extra effort in case someone applies who would like a gift, but cannot create a gift in return!

And due to the fact that such an extra effort is not taken for granted, SUPER Secret Santas are also allowed to finish the latter with more extra time beyond the set deadline (which you can find in a later question!)

The one keeping track of these activities and who volunteers to do something for people who wish for a SUPER Secret Santa gift is @uhrwerkschloss // @amuerion – so you certainly will get something from one volunteer artist and/or eventually from another volunteer of several! :D  

 6.) Is…NSFW content also okay as a gift?

That depends!

Whenever you fill out an application, you will see a text field where you can write down what you would like to receive, but also what you NOT would like to receive.

If the person you create a gift for should explicitly state that they are uncomfortable with nsfw-content as their gift, nsfw content is definitely off the list for possible gift content ideas.

That being said, each of the participants has the responsibility to be as specific as possible about their wishes and also about what they would not like to receive in contrast!

The better the description of your wishes, the easier it will be for your Secret Santa to make something that you’ll enjoy! :3

But if the person you create a gift for is fine with nsfw-material and explicitly wishes for it, why not?

For all our content creators, there is also a question in which you can state whether you are okay with creating nsfw content! That will make determining the Secret Santas for each other a lot easier, in terms nsfw wishes arise - and of course, all content on this blog, nsfw or not, will be tagged appropriately! 

 7.) How are the Secret Santas for every participant determined, anyways?

Whoever under the participants seems best suited to fulfil another participant’s wish will be chosen for said wish – that is all <3

 8.) Are there any rules to keep in mind?

Just these few:

- Do not spoil the surprise to the person you create a gift for, before the Gift Submission Days, please! The secret in Secret Santa is there for a reason ;w;

- For fanart, digital as well as traditional art will be accepted! Whether you want to keep it in full colour, as an ink-centric piece, black and white, or even as a sketch collection/ doodle page – all these things are fine, as long as you put heart into what you create <3

- As for fanfiction, the length of your fanfiction greatly depends on the prompt you are given!

Smaller writing prompt ideas should have a range of 500-1000 words minimum, while larger writing prompt ideas should have a range of 1500-200 words minimum – these overall ranges are set to keep things fair for all the writers and people gifted by writers alike!

And YES, if you want to write far more than this minimum range for your idea, you are most welcome to do so!

Follow the idea and what comes to mind from your Secret Santa prompt and you’ll be fine with no pressure <3

- The most important rule of all: Have fun!! :D

 9.) What are the most important deadlines to keep in mind?

Application Phase ENDS: November 28th

Secret Santa Prompts are SENT: Novemver 29th

Gift Submission Days are: from December 24th until December 28th (as long as you can finish your gift and submit it around those days, it is mighty fine!)

 10.) How are the gifts posted?

Simply submit them on your blog and add the tag “meihemsecretsanta2017” so that we are able to find your gift and reblog it here!

You can also message us about your gift being done during Gift Submission Days!

 11.) What if I finish my gift earlier, because I am NOT online during Gift Submission Days? :O

That is no problem! :D You can either 1.) Create a post draft on your Tumblr which will submit your gift around the gift submission days automatically OR 2.) contact @uhrwerkschloss about it so she can submit the gift on meihemsecretsanta for you during those days!

 12.) I cannot finish my gift in time / I have to drop out of the event!

As soon as you are definitely sure that you cannot finish your gift in time or drop out of the event, please inform @uhrwerkschloss immediately!!

 It is important to do this quickly and also the moment you are certain, so that SUPER Secret Santas can jump in and finish the gift, instead!

If there are any other questions, feel free to ask us here on our blog and we will add them to this post and answer them directly.

Until then, thank you very much for reading and we look forward to seeing your filled-in application forms!

Happy Holidays, everyone!

[rockleefangirl987]

What You Love...(For Rock Lee Birthday Month!)

I wrote this last year as we had a challenge for Rock Lee Birthday Week. I thought I would post it again, and this was in answer to the challenge made by @sausage-fist. I thought it was a great way to start it out. Here was the challenge:

Lee has a passion for training and becoming stronger!! It’s what he strives for every day. What is your passion? What do you strive to become? Create something that involves you telling him or showing him the thing you are most passionate about whether it be sports, drawing or even comedy!! Show Lee what you train for every day.

What I train for? I try to write each day, as I have since I was too young to even know why. My inspiration included the Bronte sisters, Jane Austen, Margaret Mitchell and Daphne DuMaurier, because they wrote the books my mother loved and taught me to love. I wanted to tell stories full of unbridled passion and real human beings with all their little problems and life not always turning out as we hoped. I wanted my readers to visualize everything as though a movie was playing before you. So as a writer, you struggle with all the right words and...

Well, Lee, this is for you - one more time. 

I...I do not...I do...not...understand,” he said between deep gulps. I watched his head bounce up, vanish, bounce up again, then drop out of sight - over and over as it had for the last ten minutes. No matter how often I saw him perform his push-ups, the idea of him managing a conversation and performing a countdown in his brain astonished me to no end.

“What do you mean? What don’t you understand?” I replied, drawing one leg underneath me as I readjusted myself in the large wicker chair.

The fall morning was too beautiful to stay indoors, even if your work engulfed you, preventing a full enjoyment of the day. Still, it was nice being close to one’s muse. One’s overactive muse...We had been out in the garden for hours, me with my writing and him performing what came naturally. At one point there were pull-ups and rotations from a stout tree limb fifteen feet off the ground. On another occasion, he did nothing but run. For the two of us, it was typical.

Once more I asked, “I know sometimes I feel like I’m talking in riddles.”

“No...No...it...it is not...not that. You said you...you were...having...problems.”

“Yeah.”

“But...what you are doing...it seems simple, right?”

Twirling my favorite pen as one might a baton, I stopped before launching into one of my habits: clutching the instrument between my teeth. How many times did I have to remind myself: you don’t know where that pen came from? Even if I was the only one handling it. Even if I kept it safe within any of my numerous notebooks. I snatched an antibacterial wipe from a nearby container, and while I cleaned the pen, concentrated once more on what he asked.

I couldn’t help smiling at the notion. From others, I might have taken exception, but from him? The innocent expression indicated one thing: his questions were because he was curious and cared about my well-being. For the last hour, I had grumbled, scowled, buried my face in my hands, torn one sheet from the binder, then another, doodled terrible stick figures - a couple with bushy eyebrows (seeing those made him giggle as he joked ‘I do not look like that, do I?’). Still, I wondered how I might better explain so he’d comprehend, not because he was stupid, but…

“Yeah, I guess it does seem simple.” Smiling, I tapped the notebook resting on the portable writing desk in my lap. “Every time you see me, I’m putting words to paper.”

“Or typing...typing away...on...your...computer. Sometimes...you never stop.”

“Neither do you.”

He paused, considered my words, then returned to his routine. “That is true...But...But is it that...difficult?”

“Writing?”

He nodded a response.

Chuckling, I used an index finger and thumb to massage the insides of my eyes. “You wouldn’t believe how hard it can be. Not all the time, but...I don’t know...It just feels like it’s all stuck up here.” I pointed at my head. “And it doesn't want to come out! I see it...I can hear it...Everything! Descriptions, what everybody says to each other, what characters are thinking or feeling! Then I try to write it, and I read it, and I think…”

“What do you think?” after I didn’t respond for several moments.

“That it’s the most godawful garbage anybody’s ever written.”

“Two thousand!” he shouted.

Was he already finished?

“But I have seen books in bookstores. I tried to read excerpts.” He sat cross-legged on the ground near me. “And I told Guy-Sensei the writing was so painful I thought I was going to cry. Tenten is more explicit. She said the authors should be locked in a room and forced to listen to the pain they have inflicted on their readers.”

I snickered, rolling my eyes, nodding in agreement.

The chunin continued. “And some of those books have been made into movies. Although truth be told, the filmed versions were not any better than their source material.”

I laughed again. “Who died and made you a movie critic?” Shrugging, he responded with a smile I'm certain he prayed would make me feel at ease. Under normal circumstances, it might have. Right then, nothing I felt empty, lost in the problems of my own making. “Yeah, well, I’d like to be a little bit better than that. Not that I’d sneeze at a million dollar contract from a publisher or a movie studio, but my name’s going to be on it. I’d like people to look back at my stuff and think ‘Wow! Another Gone with the Wind! Another Pride and Prejudice!’ Not ‘Oh my God - take away that woman’s laptop and paper and pen and break her hands so she never writes again!’”

There came that soft giggle which never failed to make me smile. I couldn't help it. “That is so silly. I have read your stories, remember? No one would ever accuse you of writing...well…some of the books I have seen. You do not write about vampires or werewolves or fifty whatever.” A blush came to his cheeks. “You write about...people, life.”

“I try,” I muttered, exhaling. I was frustrated. I had been working on one chapter for three weeks - bits and pieces here and there. What should have been a basic, informational few scenes stressing the heroine’s dilemma bogged me down a third of the way through. In that time frame, I rewrote one scene more than a half-dozen time. Another key scene faced four times under the knife. Each time I looked at the words, I groaned, cursed (I never did that in front of him), and either hit the backspace key or drew several furious lines through the sentences on the lined paper. That second scene annoyed me to Hell. It sounded stilted, forced. Characters I’d handled for almost a year fell to pieces. I imagined them glaring at me from my Chromebook screen or my notebook, each of them thinking ‘What in the world is her problem?’ I honestly didn’t know, so in the meantime, I returned to previous chapters - the chapters I loved, chapters over which I had also once struggled.

“You are seeking perfection.”

I looked up and into those large dark eyes. “I guess.”

“Of course you are! You have shown me so many wonderful chapters, and I am always honest and tell you how they are. They are good. No, how great they are. The old adage is right. You do have a way with words.”

I ducked my head. That was something I had heard since my school days.

“And then you return and tell me, ‘I redid this. What do you think?’ It will be the same scene, but you have added more dialogue, removed this or that, changed a phrase about, added a new thought...and it is still good. Then you work on another chapter or scene, but you keep returning to the other, although I did not think anything was wrong with it in the first place. But you know what?”

“No, what?”

“No matter how many times I read it when you make the adjustment, whatever that might be, it is even better than before, although I did not think it possible...But you must realize, the time is going to come when you cannot make another change. That it is as good as it will ever be. Otherwise...you will never finish.”

“Huh.”  

He scooted closer. “You have been working on our story for a while.”

“I just want to get it right.”

“I know. I appreciate that. But you joked the other day you have barely scratched the surface and you have written...sixteen chapters?”

“Eighteen, nineteen,” I confessed. “Some of them don’t have chapter numbers yet because they come later in the story. And a few are so long, I could split those down into another chapter or two.”

“Yes...They are good too, you know.” He gave me a thumbs up accompanied by a toothy grin. “I especially like the one, you know, the one where…”

“I know.” This wasn’t the first time he told me he did. Every time he read that part, tears filled his eyes when he finished. “It’s kind of my favorite too.”

“How many revisions?”

“I deleted a sentence last night.”

“Not again!” It was his turn to sigh in frustration. “If you have not scratched the surface yet, it will be another year or two or three before you write ‘THE END’, and it will not be the actual end because you will revise and rework and rephrase it and…”

“Yeah I know, I know!”

It happened before I knew it. Pen, notebook, and portable desk were thrown to the ground. I was upset with myself, not with what he told me. He realized that too, having seen my temper flair before. He also said nothing when he saw me tear up, reaching down to touch the cherry wood of the lap tray he’d given me as a birthday gift. If I damaged something which came from his heart…

With great calmness, he picked up the items, placed them on the table in front of me, then raised the lid on the Chromebook.

“When I said I did not understand why it is not simple when you are writing, I was wrong.” He maneuvered the mouse, digging deep into the carefully organized folders in the Cloud. “When someone has a passion for something, and it means everything to them, others should not tell them they must give it up or lower their goals.” Although I observed him in profile, he was smiling. “I ought to know.” He turned briefly, winking at me. “This is what you work hard for. This gives your life meaning. It is your code - your Ninja way. I have made a promise to support you as best I can, just as Guy-Sensei still does for me. I am sorry if I do not always appear to understand.”

I shook my head. “No, it’s not you. A lot of times, you’re the one who gives my brain the jumpstart it needs.” I gave the lap desk a quick once over, pleased there was no damage. “I’m sorry.”

“It is alright.”

“But it’s not alright. You gave me something special and I…”

“Your passion got the better of you.”

“That wasn’t passion. That was me and my stupid temper.” My voice dropped lower. “Lee, what are you looking for?”

“It is fine. I have found it.”

I saw that the folder he clicked bore the tentative title of the story I had given my nearly undivided attention to these last eleven months. “But I don’t…”

“Your writing means the world to you. One day you will finally show everyone what I consider myself privileged to read. But until then…” He squatted in the chair next to me. “Start it again. I want you to hear how good it is, and I find that reading it aloud can make a great difference.” When I hesitated, he gave me a slight nudge. “Go on. Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

Black letters against a white background were plastered across the screen, meaningless when I first took a look at them. All of that came from me. The inspiration was the person at my side. Giving him a peck on the cheek, I smiled and began to read the words familiar to both of us.   

@ten-all-over @fruitysmellz @sausage-fist @samlovesmaitogai @shock777 @nejicanspin @sincerelysinclair17 (is that you @Morganknightos), @teacher-monica @strikeelectricart and all you other Rock Lee fans. 

[kekepuaa]

Ladyblogging, part three

Summary: in which marinette realizes that the internet is a lot smarter than she thought and that the only way to protect her identity is to join the ranks. identity reveal. adrienette.

Notes: Here’s a list of blogs/twitter accounts; they’ll be updated regularly as I go along c: 

Mari: @littlestutterbug/Ladybug Alya: @theladyblogger/The Ladyblog Adrien: @adrienagreste/chatblanc (AHA!) Nino: @djxbubbler Chloe: @queenbee Sabrina: @pastelprincess

-

part three: theory [Previous][AO3]

-

Saturday had been a rather peaceful and uneventful day for the most part. The weather was lovely and Marinette had woken up bright and early to help her parents out in the bakery. Since costumers usually didn’t start coming in until 11 or noon, Marinette was allowed to man the register while her parents caught up on some work out back.

Marinette spent about half an hour doodling in her sketchpad before taking her phone out: No new news. 

Looking over her shoulder to see if the coast was clear, she opened up her internet browser and went to her blog, which was at this point more popular than the Ladyblog. Marinette knew what to expect from creating a blog under her superhero alias and she was somewhat aware of the risks it came with, but never had she ever imagined how much closer her blog had brought her to the people who frequented it.

She talked about her favorite movie yesterday, of all things.

No Hawkmoth, no akumas--just one lonely Parisian bellringer and some friendly banter with a few commenters, one of which who spoke like Chat Noir.

She shook her head: Ladybugs seemed to attract eccentric cat-themed characters where she went. Nevertheless, despite the risk she was taking, blogging was proving to be a very interesting pastime that she had invested in. 

It wasn’t until early evening when Marinette was relieved from register duty, the young teen skipping up to her bedroom, two steps at a time. She was expecting Alya any minute, and her room was still a disaster from the stroke of inspiration that had struck the girl the night before.

As Marinette ran around her room, quickly picking up discarded slips of fabric haphazardly scattered across her bedroom floor, Tikki zipped up to Marinette’s bed, snuggling deep into the warm sheets. 

“You gonna sleep, Tikki?”

“Mmhmm,” the kwami sleepily replied, “Just for a bit. Wake me up if there are akumas.”

Marinette climbed the loft and found Tikki, dozing on her pillow. Smiling softly, she learned forward and pressed her lips against Tikki’s forehead, who hummed and burrowed herself deeper into Marinette’s bed. 

With Hawkmoth’s Akumas attacking more frequently, Ladybug’s kwami had been exerting more energy than usual, which left Tikki fatigued and often dozing away in Marinette’s purse, a half-eaten cookie by her side.

Marinette wondered if Chat Noir’s kwami was the same too.

If his kwami was anything like her overdramatic, pun-loving kitty cat, then she was more than positive that he had his hands full right now. 

Marinette had just finished putting everything away when her bedroom door swung open. Alya hopped into her room, her curly, dark and red ombre locks looking slightly disheveled. 

“Hey!” Marinette greeted her best friend and gestured for her to take a seat, “I was wondering when you were gonna get here.”

“Sorry,” Alya said, “I had some stuff to go over. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“I figured,” Marinette replied, eyeing her friend’s appearance, “What kept you up? Have you been stalking Ladybug’s blog again?” she added playfully. Alya stuck her tongue out at Marinette and huffed indignantly.

“I’ll have you know that I was doing research, not stalking.” 

“Okay, yeah, sure. Did you find anything?” 

To be honest, Marinette wasn’t exactly expecting any groundbreaking theorizes from her best friend other than the fact that she and Ladybug had the same favorite film. In the past, there had been a few close calls, but now Marinette could proudly say that there was no way that anyone was gonna find her out while she was still alive.

“I’m, like, 99% sure Ladybug goes to our school.”

...or, Marinette thought, I could just go into hiding until people forgot who Ladybug was. She knew that option was out, but Alya was already on her trail and drawing closer.

Okay.

There was no need for her to panic yet, Alya didn’t exactly have proof that Ladybug went to their school.

“Check out this list I compiled of Ladybug sightings and why I think she’s a student at Collège Françoise Dupont.” Marinette willed her hands to remain steady as she gently accepted a worn notebook from Alya.

Tikki was going to kill her when she woke up. (Well, not really, she corrected herself, but this could be disastrous for her.)

Marinette opened the book.

--

Theory: Ladybug is a student at Collège Françoise Dupont  (A compilation of pieces of evidence that I literally just remembered and probably should fact check but will do that later)

Ladybug knew my name when Stoneheart was around (Source: ME, she called my name after she activated her Lucky Charm.) 

Ladybug has a history textbook that is only used by our school in all of France (Source: ME, see the Ladyblog for video footage of LB dropping the textbook.)

Ladybug appeared at school with the Horrificator had sealed up all entrances and exits. (Source: ME, and everyone else in class.)

Ladybug’s interactions with Adrien Agreste are reason for me to believe that she either knows the boy or is in love with him. Or maybe both. Most likely both. (See page 3 for details. Note to self: Ask Marinette for her opinion.)

--

Wordlessly, Marinette handed Alya the damning log, trying her best to not scream. Was this what criminals felt like when the police were just about to bust them? Marinette considered transforming and leaping off her balcony, but she knew that wasn’t even a logical option.

Okay, calm down, calm down. She wasn’t found you out yet, she told herself, she’s just put together some things in the past, so as long as I don’t slip up while I’m in the suit, I think it’ll be okay.

“So?” 

Marinette jumped, “S-So what?”

Alya didn’t seem to notice the nervous energy unraveling from within Marinette, as her attention seemed to be focused on her phone. 

“So do you think Ladybug likes Adrien?” Marinette stifled a squeak, “This is really important for my research.”

“I-I don’t know,” Marinette answered as calmly as she could, “I mean, s-surely she has a crush on him because he’s a m-model and she must have seen him somewhere before. H-His face is all over Paris.” 

Calm down, Marinette thought, You’ve got this. You can totally do this! 

To Marinette’s relief, Alya seemed to take in her response, nodding sagely. Feeling encouraged, Marinette continued, “And Ladybug is aided with magic, so I wouldn’t rule it out that things like knowing people’s names and even appearing in the school when Mylene was akumatized--maybe all of that was a result of magical influence?”

Of course, Marinette knew what she was saying was total garbage, but Alya didn’t need to know that. She could only hope that Alya would listen to her and keep her eyes off the school.

“Maybe...” Alya muttered after a few beats of silence, “...besides the only girls Adrien’s spoken to are the girls in the class, and as far as I know, every girl has been akumatized--” Marinette flushed pink, “--so Ladybug definitely couldn’t be in our class.”

“R-Right!” Marinette was quick to agree, “Remember when you thought Chloe was Ladybug?”

“Oh God,” Alya rolled her eyes, “Don’t remind me.”

It seemed that luck was on Marinette’s side today.

--

Ladybug Posted: 2016-04-30

Subject: DON’T YOU WORRY ‘BOUT A THING MAMA

Let’s just say that I am one lucky son of a bug. I won’t go into it, but phew. Talk about a nail biter.

You know when you get so anxious, your blood seems to feel cold?

Yeah, I had the pleasure of experiencing that this afternoon. The feeling passed quickly enough, but I had to drink, like, six cups of tea to recover.

God. 

Worrying about little things will be the death of me. I’m pretty sure my life span was reduced by 2 years.

I need a croissant or something. Maybe I should just go to sleep. Excuse me.

-LB

Comments:

Response to DON’T YOU WORRY ‘BOUT A THING MAMA Posted: 2016-04-30 Subject: Just start breathing into a paper bag.

Chop Suey: Girl, you’re a superhero. Just knock out before someone gets akumatized again.

Response to Just start breathing into a paper bag. Posted: 2016-04-30 Subject: Hopefully it won’t get to that omg

Ladybug: T R U E.

--

Response to DON’T YOU WORRY ‘BOUT A THING MAMA Posted: 2016-04-30 Subject: Lavender & Chamomile tea should do the trick ;)

The Ladyblog: You act like someone was close to uncovering your secret identity ;)

Response to Lavender & Chamomile tea should do the trick ;) Posted: 2016-04-30 Subject: ALREADY BREWING IT. 

Ladybug: Wouldn’t you like that, Mlle Ladyblog?

--

Response to ALREADY BREWING IT. IT’S GOD’S GIFT TO THE WORLD. Posted: 2016-04-30 Subject: It’s God’s gift to this world. The Ladyblog: DANG IT. SHE’S ON TO ME. ABORT! ABORT!

--

Response to DON’T YOU WORRY ‘BOUT A THING MAMA Posted: 2016-04-30 Subject: COZ I’LL BE STANDING ON THE SIDE WHEN YOU CHECK IT OUUUUTTTTT

chatblanc: If you’re looking for a good bakery, I definitely recommend the Tom & Sabine Boulangerie Patisserie on Rue Gotlib? I happen to be friends with the daughter of the owners; their food is to die for. You’ll definitely gain back the two years you lost, especially if you try the salmon and spinach quiche.

--

Marinette frowned at chatblanc’s comment. She knew them? There was a possibility they could be lying to her (CATFISHING IS A REAL PROBLEM, FOLKS), but why would they lie about such a minuscule detail?

Maybe Marinette was just paranoid, but it was better for her to check to see who the mystery person was than to be surprised when said mystery person showed up at her bakery, screaming “hey Ladybug!” in front of all their customers.

She felt a headache coming on at the thought.

A click on chatblanc’s URL led Marinette to a locked blog. Well, that didn’t seem sketchy at all. The only lead Marinette had on this person was that they created their blog the day after the Ladyblog was created and that they had a whopping total of 3 journal entires.

Other than that: Marinette had nothing, left in the dust by a mysterious cat who had questionable taste in Disney movies, knew exactly what Stevie Wonder song she was referring to in her subject line of her last post, and who apparently loved her dad’s quiche. 

She made a mental list of who it could possibly be, but came up empty every time.

Frustrated, the young girl exited out of her browser and switched her monitor off. Sleep seemed like an attractive alternative to the headache pounding in her ears.

Curling up next to Tikki on her bed, Marinette rolled over and shut her eyes, clearing her mind of her overly-curious best friend and the stranger-not-stranger on the internet.

--

Alya C. @theladyblogger #AKUMAALERT: There is a child transforming cars into giant wooden trains...

Alya C. in reply to Alya C. #AKUMAALERT: [LINK TO LADYBLOG STREAM]

Alya C. in reply to Alya C. #AKUMAALERT: The Eiffel Tower is falling!

Alya C. in reply to Alya C. #AKUMAALERT: #Ladybug and #ChatNoir are on the scene!

Alya C. in reply to Alya C. #AKUMAALERT: #Ladybug has been taken and tied down to railroad tracks!

Alya C. in reply to Alya C. #AKUMAALERT: #ChatNoir’s cataclysm has destroyed the track and the incoming toy train

Alya C. in reply to Alya C. #AKUMAALERT: Akuma cured. #Ladybug and #ChatNoir saves the day! 

Alya C. in reply to Alya C. Livestream will be on the site with a follow up article.

--

Ladybug Posted: 2016-05-01

Subject: Hawkmoth is literally the Most Inconsiderate person Ever.

LOL guess who was taken and strapped down to some railroad tracks like a Damsel in Distress in one of those classic American Westerns? 

It’s all good though since Chat’s cataclysm saved me :’) (sends virtual fist bump to my kitty cat)

WHO AKUMATIZES A 5-YEAR-OLD CHILD ON A SUNDAY MORNING? Sundays are for sleeping. 5am?! You should be A S L E E P. 

I had a bunch of things due this week, so I would have appreciated an extra five hours of sleep. Ugh.

What a jerk. 

It was a quick fix (insert insincere ‘Better luck next time’ here), but still. By the time I got back to my house, my papa was already making noise in the kitchen and my maman was checking my room to see if I was awake. 

I need some green tea, like pronto. 

And possibly 53 waffles to gorge on to make up for this morning.

-LB

Comments:

Response to Hawkmoth is literally the Most Inconsiderate person Ever. Posted: 2016-05-01 Subject: Rise and Shine, LB!

chatblanc: 53 is a pretty exact number, Ladybug...

Response to Rise and Shine, LB! Posted: 2016-05-01 Subject: Don’t tell me what to do.

Ladybug: For your information, 53 is the perfect number for waffles. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some waffles to be devouring and some sleep to be catching up on. PS: Your friend’s bakery is 10/10. I may or may not have helped myself to 3 additional croissants on top of the first one I wanted. #carbqueen

--

Response to NO. Posted: 2016-05-01 Subject: Don’t be like that :(

chatblanc: !!!! My friend will be ecstatic when she hears that her food has Ladybug’s approval.

--

“So, I see you’ve developed an interest for blogging,” Chat Noir casually mentioned that evening. The duo had just completed a rather uneventful patrol around the city and decided to stop for a break, sitting side by side on top of an old brick building, a little ways away from the bakery.

Ladybug shrugged, keeping her eyes trained on her feet, which she swung back and forth.

“It’s a good pastime,” Ladybug admitted, “Sometimes I get so wound up from my day-to-day life that I just need some kind of outlet to let my brain decompress.” 

He nodded, and stretched out beside her, his glowing green eyes trained at the dark sky above him.

“Hawkmoth’s been so active lately,” Ladybug continued, laying back beside Chat, “I hardly have time to sleep, everything is picking up around me, I’m getting behind on my school work--”

“I thought you were 5,000 years old?” Chat joked and Ladybug slapped his arm, effectively shushing her partner.

“--it’s like he’s trying to wear us down or he’s getting desperate and is really trying to go for our Miraculouses,” Ladybug knew for a fact that Hawkmoth didn’t exactly work like her or Chat. He didn’t fight his own battles and could summon multiple akumas without needing to recharge his kwami. At this point in the game, Ladybug found it miraculous that he hadn’t sent out multiple akumas at once.

“Well, Buginette,” Chat sighed and turned onto his side, facing her, “It’s not like we can do anything to prepare for it. We just have to keep provisions on us at all times in case our kwamis have to recharge.” 

“I guess so...” Ladybug agreed, “...but you have to admit it, Chaton. Haven’t you been feeling a bit worn from all these akumas?”

“Not really,” Chat Noir confessed quietly, “I see this life as an escape for me, and if I have to fight some cranky old man sending off evil butterflies to keep it, then I will.” 

For the first time, Ladybug found herself wondering about Chat Noir’s other life. Never before had she expressed an interest (it was more one-sided on his part), but if chasing down akumas was something her chaton considered liberating from his day to day routine, she couldn’t help but wonder.

“And besides,” Chat Noir said, suddenly playful again, “I get to spend time with my lovely Buginette, so I’m more grateful to Hawkmoth for being so persistent.” 

Ladybug rolled her eyes and sat up, Chat quickly following her example. 

“We should turn in for tonight.” 

“Man, I would kill for a pastry right now,” Chat Noir grumbled, rubbing a clawed hand on his rumbling stomach. 

“Well, I heard from a little kitty that there’s a good one on Gottlieb.” Ladybug casually replied, “I’ve had some of their stuff before; I think you’d like the salmon and spinach quiche.”

Ladybug didn’t see the strange look Chat Noir gave her, turning in time only to catch the wide grin stretched across his face. He stepped closer to her, swiped up her hand, and lifted it to his lips, pressing a kiss against it.

Ladybug pulled her hand away from Chat’s with a small chuckle and pushed him gently against his chest.  

“I’ll try it out tomorrow then,” Chat Noir declared, “I’ll see you soon, Buginette.” 

It wasn’t until Chat had vaulted off the roof that his words had fully registered in Ladybug’s mind. I’ll try it out tomorrow then. 

“Wait. What?” 

--

Ladybug Posted: 2016-05-02

Subject: Foot, meet mouth.

You know how you get yourself tangled in compromising situations because of your big mouth?

Yeah, this seems to be a running theme this week. And it’s Monday.

Stay tuned, all!

-LB

No comments have been posted.

--

When Marinette walked into the classroom Monday morning, she wasn’t surprised to find everyone congregated around Alya as her best friend read her theory to their classmates; however, the words still made her rather anxious.

Here she was, here Ladybug was, overhearing her best friend openly talk about Ladybug’s secret identity with all their other classmates. She felt like she was on the edge of a cliff and the only thing keeping her from toppling over the fact that nobody had seen her transform.

Nor had anyone noticed the fact that she and Ladybug had never been seen in the same place and the same time, save for the one time when Alix was akumatized.

From the door, Marinette strained to listen to her conspiring classmates.

“Well, if Ladybug goes to our school and is in our grade, then who could she be?” Alix asked, “We already know that she isn’t in our class since everyone here’s been akumatized.” 

“Well,” Alya said, “There are only two other classes in our grade level, and according to my research, none of those girls match Ladybug’s body type, nor do they have black hair and blue eyes--”

“Hey, remember when Alya thought Chloe was Ladybug?!”

“--shaddup Nino. The point is, it’s unlikely that she’s there too. We already know that she’s in this school and in our grade because of the history book. We just need to think of someone who hasn’t been akumatized...”

Marinette’s heart pounded wildly in her chest.

She thought of things that could possibly save her: sneaking out of the classroom before they noticed she was there, dying her hair, changing her hairstyle, but everything was impractical. Illogical. She had been far too careless in the past to cover this up.

“Wait a second,” Max said, “Marinette hadn’t been akumatized yet!”

Soft murmurs grew in the circle. Ice settled in Marinette’s stomach and sweat began to bead at her temples.

“This is it, Tikki,” Marinette whispered, “They’re going to find me out and then Hawkmoth’s gonna find out and we’re all gonna be doomed--”

“Marinette, that isn’t true!” Tikki squeaked from Marinette’s side, “Just stay calm!”

“What’s the point? They’re already right there.”

“Marinette--” Tikki began to say, but clammed up with a yelp. Marinette watched from the corner of her eye as Tikki ducked back into her bag.

“Tikki?” she whispered, “Tikki!”

She didn’t get to investigate any further, as her sight had been obscured by one blonde-haired, green-eyed angel who smiled softly at her. The ice she had previous felt in her stomach melted, quickly forgotten, and, like second nature, a pretty pink flush rose in her cheeks.

Adrien grinned.

“Hey, Marinette!” 

And Marinette slipped, not noticing the class observing the exchange, now aware of their recent suspect’s arrival: Adrien caught her before she could sink any lower, prompting the girl to squeak, flail, slip and proceed to fall again, her descent towards the ground quickly halted as Adrien wrapped his arms more securely around Marinette.

“Woah, you okay?” he asked, “No bones broken?”

“Y-Y-Yeah,” she stammered, “You thank, Adrien! I mean, I love you! I mean, thank you, Adrien!”

Marinette scrambled away from her crush, nearly tripping over her own feet as she stumbled into the classroom. She overheard Alix whisper to the crowd, “There’s no way she could be Ladybug.”

In that moment, Marinette had never felt so lucky before. 

[allmymisters]

For the Love of China

I just woke up. That’s a lie. I woke up around 2 hours ago. I awoke from a dream I can’t remember and a peacefully sleeping Mister who does that snoring that sounds like he’s whispering “poo”. I used to do this thing in my head, when I was about to go to sleep. It was to calm me and clear my thoughts, but I would imagine this little Iggy like character in my head, climbing through my brain to the top of the stairs. He had a little room there and he would turn on the light and there would be a very large blackboard full of doodles and writing and he would literally erase my thoughts. When he cleared the board, he would turn the light off and I would go to sleep. When I was a child, I never sucked my thumb, nor did I sleep with my parents. Across the hall I slept in my crib and then that crib turned into a bed eventually, but I was not the type of child who was uncomfortable being alone and my parents were not the kind that would coddle me. When I was a kid, I’d play with my hangnails to get to sleep. Strange I know, but I’d start at a quick pace and as I would slow the pace down to go to sleep. Some people count sheep, I played with my hangnails.

I wasn’t a nervous child. I was shy, but not nervous. Anxiety was something that occurred the night before a trip or the night before the first day of school. I never was affected by it the way my friends say they are crippled by it. Something has happened to me recently and I don’t like it, actually I hate it. The older I’ve gotten the more stressful my life has become. Job stress, money stress, relationship stress, health stress…what was invisible before has now ravaged my nervous system like a freight train. Why has this happened? What did I do that my mind and my body have decided to betray how I compute.

When you scroll down Facebook posts you’ll notice a pattern with people. It goes from “My kid said/did this” to “I have an opinion about the current state of the world” to “My (insert family member) died” to “Look how much fun I’m having on said vacation”. We know every anniversary, birthday, death, birth, new job, new partner, etc etc. Look, I’ve read and listened to a lot of psychologists and experts talk about how social media affects us and I think it affects us in different ways. For me, it’s more of a strange place where you can’t disagree with anyone or I’m reading about some pretty personal stuff for the world to see or I’m realizing how sad I am that I don’t have a cute baby to show everyone or a cute dog for that matter. As of two days ago, it was acknowledging that the two guys I dated in high school were arrested for some pretty serious sexual misconducts.

I have emotional OCD. I can’t help it and noticed my mom is the same way. We lash out in two different ways. We get angry and tell the world to fuck off and then we cry in the shower at how hurt we are. My family was always big on the “suck it up and move on” or “don’t ever let anyone see you’re weak, be smarter”. I think I’ve lived a majority of my life like this. I care way too much about things. Being a natural empath can be rewarding, but can also turn on you in a most wretched way. I fixate on things bothering me. I will go through scenarios, the why, the what, the how. I will talk to that person in my head and say exactly what I want to to them and then see them as though I have no complaints. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m bold enough, I just don’t see what it would really do but become my problem.

I’m trying not to care. I’m actually trying not to notice what’s happening to me. My body is falling apart. I thought I’d be one of those cool ladies you see memes and documentaries about. The ones that are growing old gracefully with designer bifocals and purple hair. My mind has grown and continues to do so, but my body is being an asshole. When you start to see the transition it gets scary. The grey hairs, the aches and pains, the weight gain (for some), the lethargy and most of all the crushing anxiety. I’m having serious issues with anxiety recently and the only thing that has helped are my new acupuncture appointments. But as with all things I experience, I don’t want to have to be helped or ask for it for that matter. It’s challenging, but I’ve always seen myself as someone who can handle her shit. So, I thought.

“Iggy where are you!?”

My mind races in the middle of the night. I go to bed fine, but if I awaken, it’s a nightmare. I try to get Iggy to come out and he’s there but he either erases the board and it refills instantly, or he just stands there looking at it, as though he’s stuck in some video game prompting me for his next direction.

What do I have to work on tomorrow? Can I sell this woman’s house? Am I doing the right thing with my life? Why does he have to work tomorrow? Am I going to lose my hair? I need to go to the gym. What should I get my parents for Christmas? I’m so angry about my camera! Why haven’t I heard from her, do they just not like me anymore? I want to go somewhere. I miss my dad. I hope my dad is ok. I wish my brother would come visit me. I wish I could afford to go see them, i hope those fires aren’t too close to him. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Ok, relax, deep breaths. Why is my heart beating like this, am I dying…fuck…fuck…am i ever going to lose this weight. I need to just go to the gym. Oh my god, stop snoring! I need new glasses, shit I need to reschedule the dentist because I don’t have money right now, how am I going to pay for the window…..

And it goes on and on and on and on. From me thinking I have cancer to wondering when the next tragedy in my life will occur to am I going to have a job tomorrow. I get it, I’m not alone, there are other people who have this stuff going on, I just don’t like it. It’s physically tearing me apart. I’m about to turn 47 and I’m wondering where my womanhood has gone because let’s face it, I’m 22 forever. It’s disorienting and for me, very frightening. I don’t want to have a heart attack in my fifties you know?

I used to love being an empath, recently I hate it. There’s an emptiness I’ve been carrying around with me and what used to be a simple brush off the shoulder and has now become some colossal underlying stress ball of unimaginable proportions. My doctors have told me that they are quite surprised I’ve gone this long without completely losing it. When I look at them with “tha fuuuck?” look, they explain going through that much trauma in one sitting can put most people over the edge, but two therapy sessions in, after a suicide, an excruciating end to my marriage, the death of one of my best friends, the news that my ex boyfriend and friend had died while at mentioned best friend’s funeral, the loss of my close knit circle and the loss of my job due to all of the above was good enough for me. I moved forward. Moved forward in a very zig zaggy, drunken fashion making no stops for breath while being accused of being unforgiving, angry and abandoned. Yep, seems about right. It’s been nine years and I’m afraid it’s finally all caught up with me, like a tsunami from hell.

“Take a Xany”

I don’t do pills. I will fight to self heal before having to take something for it. No offense to you who have found resolve in it, I’m just not that person. I just wanna feel better! I want to sleep. I wanna enjoy my morning instead of walking straight to my computer. I want to figure out a workout routine. I want to tell people no. I want to not feel like my heart is in the Kentucky Derby. I want my body to slow down. I want time to slow down. Slow the fuck DOWN! Why am I so apt to be that overachiever? I think because for so long I’ve been overlooked in my duties, and now, I’m finally getting recognition and to be honest it feels fantastic. My therapy comes from helping others, that’s my selfish reason for doing the things I do. So, how do I make it stop? I don’t have an answer. Right now, being in a dark room for one hour every week with pins sticking in me seems to be the only thing that’s been working. It’s sad that, it is the only place, I can breathe and not think of all the things, even though the cost gives me its own anxiety.

It’s not greek to me

A few hours ago I couldn’t finish writing this piece. I wanted to write something because writing is my catharsis and to be honest, I was upset. It helps me work it out in my head. Instead, I started talking about it while my man comforted me and asked what he could do. I broke down. Blubbering like a fool, telling him how disappointed I am in my life right now, how I don’t know why I can motivate others and not myself and how alone I feel a lot of the times. I just want to shut it off sometimes. My brain that is, not my system. I don’t want to be fearful because that’s not who I am, yet I feel like I’m fearful everyday with everything I do and say. When did that happen?

I just want to sleep like the dead again so I can feel alive. Remember in our 20’s? Bed at dawn, sleep til work, repeat. I want to eat a piece of chocolate without feeling like I’ll need to buy new jeans next month. I want to tell people to eat a dick every time they tell me what I should feel and what I should say. I’m not feeling very punk rock these days and that’s what it comes down to. All these feelings I have about the world, the non-reciprocated relationships I have, the allowance of urgency everyone needs from me, and the disrespect I’ve received in certain situations are an implosion waiting to happen, all because the one emotion I owned, anger, has become some sort of disease. Are we no longer allowed to express our discontent for anything except what has been deemed acceptable and determined by some invisible sensitivity police? I think not. It’s not just about being consumed by anger, it’s more about being able to express and release. You know, throw some plates against the wall and then have a martini after. Maybe I’m reading into it too much, but for me, I think it is part of the reason why I feel so handicapped recently. I wanna mad. I want it to run through my veins and shout it out! It doesn’t make me crazy. It doesn’t make me unable to cope (fuck anyone who says I can’t cope with shit) and it surely doesn’t make me non-confrontational. I don’t like this new, “Don’t let them hear you” mentality. It’s my right to embrace my humanity and that includes being angry and having my own perspective. So, I’m getting my plates ready, because I’m tired, so very, very tired, and there’s nothing Greek about that.

[sarahburness]

Moving Through Grief: I’m Strong Because I Feel It All

“Grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love.” ~Unknown

It’s been almost six months now. Half of a year without my brother and the grief still visits. I’m pretty sure grief doesn’t actually go away, it just gets further and further apart.

People continue to ask me how I am so “strong” through all of this, mistaking my happy moments as the full picture.

I continue to tell them strength comes because I feel it all.

The story in itself is my therapy, my chance to relive the amazing memories, my chance to show you the waves of grief I ride.

The last thing I told my conscious brother was, “But I believe in miracles, I really do.”

To be fair, the last thing I really told him was a travel story about me using a squatty-potty in Thailand, in hopes that humor would bring him back to responsiveness.

The thing is, I really did believe a miracle was possible, or at least I wanted to believe. Surely it wasn’t his time to go. The all divine higher power wouldn’t take away my big brother, my role model, my mom’s baby boy. It simply wasn’t time.

The tumor on his spine seemed to disagree with me though.

My brother is gone now and there is a human sized hole in the universe that I am living in, and yet I survive; in fact, I am thriving in this life that I have now.

But let’s back up a little, because I can’t just tell you about how I move through this season of grief without totally and completely honoring the human my brother was. He called me his little buddy, and though my oldest brother was the babysitter, Kirk always whispered into my ear that he was for real the one in charge.

He liked Dungeon and Dragons, donuts, finishing a great book, writing and doodling in a brown journal probably made of suede or something cool like that. He loved to flip me upside-down or hold me down and tickle me until I was completely sure I would pee my pants. He would say things that didn’t make any sense to me until later when I would sit and contemplate in stillness.

Something about Kirk’s soul was so playful but inspired me to be still and live in the presence that I have. He did things like build houses out of mud for sustainability and turn medians into produce farms. He took killer photos and made clay statues that I used to think would move in the night and haunt me.

Kirk told me “to try everything once, unless that one thing will kill you, then skip that one.” Which is why you can catch me building a business that makes zero sense to who I am, traveling to foreign countries when I should probably be building a 401K or something else adults do. But when there’s a human size hole in your universe, you do things for joy. Maybe it’s to honor them, maybe it’s because you live life to the fullest possible amount there can ever be. Either way, I’ll keep moving only for things that light my soul on fire.

And then there was the cancer.

You know how if you endure something just the right amount, it kind of becomes your normal? Repetitive chaos in your life has a way of doing that. And after watching my grandma battle cancer and win, my mom battle cancer and win, and Kirk beating it over and over again, it felt like the norm. Like it was just a thing that plagued my family, but we always move out of it.

Everyone handles something like this differently; personally, I’m that “ray of sunshine, glass half full and hey, I’ll help you with your glass too” kind of girl. Sunshine and cancer don’t blend well together. I got really good at smiling, cheering people up, and ignoring the invader in our lives.

When I opened my phone and received the text reading, “He took a turn for the worse,” my soul didn’t believe it. I hopped on a plane, believing my sunshine would be enough to stop this spiral.

My sunshine was not enough to bring him back to life.

My sunshine was dimmed to its darkest.

My glass was tipped over.

Grief overwhelmed my soul. Gut wrenching, unexplainable, dynamic grief.

It has been almost six months now since this hole was created in my universe, and every day someone asks me how I am so “strong” or “positive.” I will tell you exactly how.

When I’m mad, I get mad. I allow myself to hear why I am mad because I know answers are on the other side of that. I don’t place my anger on anyone or anything. I just let it out as it is, even if it doesn’t make any sense.

When I’m sad, I get sad. Even if that means I cry in my car because I walked passed a flavor of ice cream that he enjoyed. Even if that means crying on my birthday because I realized it was the first year I wouldn’t hear from him. Even if that means I cry for no other reason besides missing my brother. I let it flow because I am alive and I can feel.

And when I’m happy, you best believe I’m happier than a three year old in between meltdowns. Because of all of the human emotions that I get to endure, the one he would want me to amplify the most is wild, epic, unleashed happiness.

They say grief is like waves, and I honestly couldn’t explain it any more eloquently than that. As a professional beach-goer, the thing I can tell you about waves is that they have two extremes; if you work with the waves they are flowing and forgiving, if you fight against them they will pull you under to the depths.

This is how you move with grace through grief. The fight creates a deep abyss of suffering, the flow creates a space for forgiveness. I’m not saying there won’t be pain; there will be deafening pain to endure on this ride. And on the other side of that pain is forgiving and wild happiness that I like to think our lost pieces are sending to us. This is how I am strong through my grief.

I am mad, sad, and happy sometimes all in one day. I feel pain and yet I live so passionately, exactly the way my brother would want me to. I am not strong because I am positive; I am strong because I feel it all. Strength hides in the depth of every emotion. Tap into each flow.

About Megan Seamans

Megan Seamans is a life coach for women who want to get out of their head and on with the life they're obsessed with. She helps them get back to their core being by supporting them in moving out of blocks such as fear, doubt, overwhelm, and their comfort zone. Grab her free journal guide 6 Steps to Clarity here!

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from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/moving-through-grief-im-strong-because-i-feel-it-all/

[artistsofaustin]

 J. Sam Frankel

“Don't live life as an artist, live life through the eyes of an artist. Even if your purpose in life is to be an artist/creative/visual story teller, life doesn't always call for paint or pen.”            

Instagram:  @scribe23creative Webpage: www.jsamfrankelart.com Shop:  www.scribe23creative.com

What triggered your initial interest to make art?

I was around 6 or so when I showed my initial interest in art - it would be heavily inspired and fueled by my grandmother, Kaye. Or Neenaw as we called her. She was involved with Art Therapy at a rehabilitation center in Lexington, Kentucky. There is a small doodle I did at this time while visiting her, its my first still life done on a pharmaceutical company post it note. A boot-shaped looking vase with a couple sad flowers in bic pen. From then on, I was doodling in the margins of dog-earred notebooks, from kindergarten with Inspector Gadget/Get Smart-esque spies to middle school textbooks. 

I don't remember a time I was not doodling or ideating on anything I could get my hands on. I was a fan of coloring books when I was much younger, but I just wanted to create my own cool things. A lot more so to escape a troubled and tumultuous childhood. Small Rural towns don't provide a lot of artistic inspiration, I looked to comic books for both inspiration and escape.  I had this one issue of Amazing Spiderman circa 1997 that I copied the pages from over and over again, getting caught dozens of times by this hellish Social Studies teacher. 

Yet, again my fated location didn't provide opportunities for great art supplies either. Using what i could - typically an art box kit my mom bought from the Sears Catalogue or an assortment of Crayola Markers/Crayons. Not getting a hold of a paint brush till I was twelve. Neenaw had set me up with oil painting lessons with an old, country-lady version of Bob Ross named Edith King. 

From then on I attended a magnet program for the arts in High School - which afterward it was non-stop art, sketching, doodling, painting, creating. 

What have been some of your main sources of inspiration?

My grandmother played a major role. Not just in the facilitation and access to the arts - but in a love of color and making your own thing. She always added a bit of her own personal flare or touch to everything she owned: clothes, furniture, home and so forth. Creativity was something you lived not just did.

Of course, my favorite teachers - with few exceptions - were my art teachers. I had some amazing, and patient, professors while attending Northern Kentucky University (NKU). At that time, I was very interested in graffiti artists - mainly mural and poster work. I was in college during the early days of GIANT by OBEY/Shepard Fairey and Banksy, but it was Sam Flores out of San Francisco who got me going - he plays with a lot of confluence between humans and animals, touches of his Asian-American roots aesthetic. 

Overall my love of comic books and graphic novels opened up the desire to be a comic book artist in my own right. I was a fan of mainstream names for sure - but it was the one-off Superman/Batman stories that grabbed my eye, those with unique artist/writer mashups. Frank Quitely & Grant Morrison for one - their work on All-Star Superman and New X-men was phenomenal. It was the art of David Mack in Kabuki and Daredevil (also an NKU Alum) that got me on the style of work I aspired to make - watercolors, ink washes, and just a free style of art. It was because of him I wished to attend NKU itself. More recently, finding Rafael Grampa as a newer artist I am inspired by. (Frank Miller's DK is a must)

My travels to the Middle East and connection to Judaism has played a role in my work. Religious imagery and subjects; and an eye for the architecture. There is a lot of color palette, iconography, and lighting being used in all kinds of interesting ways in religion. I have fun combining it with surreal subjects to add this holy aspect of the scene. 

My other Artist inspirations: Winsor McCay, Geoff Darrow J.M.W. Turner, William Stanley Haseltine. 

Lastly, music - I grew up with an 80's mom who loved Fleetwood Mac, Prince, Robert Palmer, and Madonna - with a grunge rock brother to follow.  I feed off a lot of visually strong artists these days - Arcade Fire - Queens of the Stoneage, The Decemberists, TV on the Radio. 

What’s your purpose as an artist?

I always baffled my art teachers when I would explain that my art was just for fun. It was difficult for me to express my feelings through art that read well to others. Art's purpose for me was an escape, something that doesn't exist, a new idea or place. Away from life. 

The want to tell a narrative stems from the dream to be a comic book artist, but I want my viewers to come up with their own narratives. I want it to be a snapshot of a moment or from another world that has different stories to tell. Much of my art is derived from an idea I had about a comic book series that went from conceptual character to a series of mutated vegetation. 

Art is definitely therapy or a healthy distraction for me. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, painting it down helps properly express myself. Diverting that energy into something I control, followed by a sense of accomplishment. There is nothing like having a finished piece(s) having been made during a time of turmoil or emotional distress. I am one who thrives in chaos and under pressure. It took my mind of my deployment to Afghanistan, a small sketchbook and plethora of sharpies. 

What would you recommend to other artists that seek for inspiration?

Don't live life as an artist, live life through the eyes of an artist. Even if your purpose in life is to be an artist/creative/visual story teller, life doesn't always call for paint or pen. You have to be in the moment in-order to enjoy it; that enables you to take the full experience and translate it on paper/canvas with that much more vigor.  But always bring something to take notes with - I have mountains of notebooks from my military days that I jotted all my ideas for work and comics, it kept my creative side engaged while I did my job at the same time. 

For me - the experiences I had where I couldn't be knee deep in art are what defined me as a person, later deriving what I learned from those experiences to my art. From the Army I understood that if you want to succeed you have to lay those pounds of flesh down - special forces guys are good because they dedicate their lives to being proficient with their craft. If you want to be a big bad artist, you have to start somewhere, from one sketch a day to one sketch an hour. No one starts out as good artists, even those with natural talent, only that can carry them so far. 

Curating your Instagram is a good way to have a non-stop flow of inspiration. Follow new and up-coming artists to see what the trends are. Follow artists who do the kind of art you wish you could, they share techniques and advice. Follow other visually strong people, not just the popular people. Don't follow artists who have more photos of them "thinking of the next big piece" or have huge numbers of followers with very little work to show. 

If you are nervous about a new medium but dying to dry it out, do an experimental phase with it. Grab your favorite CMY relative hues, just the basic colors Blue Red Yellow even, plus a black of the same medium. This is a low cost investment. Use the colors in the new medium to create small pieces in your style and usual subjects. Experiment with techniques, tricks, and process. If you like the results or feel the potential - then grab a few more basic colors. The scary thing about new mediums is that artists feel like we have to take a header into full kits - when just the basics are good enough. 

Embrace your fear of all things in the creative world - for those who are afraid of using colors there are those afraid to use black in their work. For those who are afraid of putting their work in shows there are those who are afraid of going bigger with their work. We learn more from our mistakes than our successes, if art was so easy of a win - every five-year old kid that parents say could do a Jackson Pollack would be rolling in Instagram fame. 

[katherine-rambles]

lately i’ve been learning a lotta things that.... make me wonder if i have low-key add/adhd?

evidence in the “probably” pile:

i learned recently that becoming angry at interruptions can be a symptom of focus issues, and that many add/adhd folks HATE interruptions.

guess who has literally scheduled her entire life around avoiding interruptions, since as long as i can remember???

like No Joke i would do homework in the early afternoon so my parents wouldn’t bother me whenever to do chores (because to them homework was Above interruptions, but nothing else was???) and then after they went to sleep i would read/play videogames/art/etc. all of which, had i done during the day, they would have felt ABSOLUTELY FREE to interrupt me and then get mad when i got mad at them for interrupting me and didn’t immediately drop it because i’m a stubborn asshat

from research of the above, i’ve learned about (and immediately converted to) the school of thought that “attention deficit disorder” might be inaccurate, and “attention regulation disorder” might be a better way of phrasing it. see this link for more info

from that link: “But with people with ADD, who have impaired executive functioning, the inability to self-regulate appears as laziness or lack of willpower. It clearly is not.”

i’ve always had IMMENSE trouble self-regulating. without places to be, work structures and schedules to support me? i 100% fall apart. i’m still having trouble, as a 23 yr old adult, at setting up bedtime and wakeup routines!!!

from a list of ADD symptoms, inattention: “Be easily distracted by things like trivial noises or events that are usually ignored by others.”

i can’t often stand music or tv or whatever while i work. either i just Stop Doing What I’m Doing and pay attention to the music or tv show (and thus waste a couple hours on tv shows i don’t even like) or i turn it off. 

relatedly: i cannot go to bed with the tv or music on, despite it being a regular occurance for many of my friends. (guess who stays wired up on sleepovers while other ppl fall asleep to media.... :^) )

from a list of ADD symptoms, inattention: “Be forgetful about daily activities (for example, missing appointments, forgetting to bring lunch)”

i circumvent this now by writing a bajillion lists all the time, but when i was younger... i almost failed sixth grade because i wouldn’t bring my homework to turn in. 

which is to say: i would take it home, i would DO all of the work, but i literally forgot to bring my homework to turn in, on a regular basis, for the better part of a year. 

my teachers were confused at my great grades but lack of homework, so they talked to my parents about it, and that got drilled the fuck outta me, but... yeah

also? i can’t sit anywhere but at the front of classes. if i am not at the front i cannot pay attention, due to all the shit that people get up to. i’d love to join u at the back of class my delinquent friends playing games on your phones, but i cannot or I Will Fail. 

from a list of ADD symptoms, inattention: “Have a hard time paying attention to details and a tendency to make careless mistakes. Their work might be messy and seem careless.”

there’s a job in libraries that i cannot do. it is called Shelfreading, and basically, the idea is that you read the collection numbers on the shelf (that bit on the end of the spine libraries use to keep things in order) and make sure that the books are, indeed, in order.

i begin falling asleep maybe four feet into shelfreading. i literally cannot do it when i am Any degree of tired in the first place, but even when i am at my Tippity Toppity Best i’m the absolute worst at that job. it is my least favorite part of libraries-- even including the time I had to be a part of moving a library, and i wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. 

from a list of ADD symptoms, hyperactivity: Fidget and squirm when seated.Get up frequently to walk or run around.

me. 

i can’t sit/stand still. 

from a list of ADD symptoms, hyperactivity: Always be "on the go"

when i’m not depressed, i ALWAYS need something to do. i have ‘patience’, but only if i’m doing something else in the meanwhile. 

for most of my childhood, i had drawing as a “something else”.

from a list of ADD symptoms, hyperactivity: Talk excessively

hhahhaaaahahhaha i’m so insecure about this but basically i can and often will babble on until you tell me to stop. case in point: look at how long this post is getting. i do that in speech, too

from a list of ADD symptoms, impulsivity: Impatience

fufufuuuuuuuck it me. i literally cannot play some games because of how slowly the characters walk. i will never be able to replay the older pokemon games because of this. rip me

from a list of ADD symptoms, impulsivity: Having a hard time waiting to talk or react

!!! i’ve channeled this into “interrupting folks to help them find words”!!!!!! 

from a list of ADD symptoms, impulsivity: Have a hard time waiting for their turn.

hhhhahmmmmm this might be a reason why i strongly prefer single-player sports. 

in tabletop, “waiting for my turn” doubles as “watch other people make fun things happen”. and any other time i need to wait i can usually do something else while i do so.

from a list of ADD symptoms, impulsivity: Blurt out answers before someone finishes asking them a question.

yes. but it’s kinda rare, i wonder if this is one of those semi-gendered symptoms.

but also, did you mean, “raising my hand before the professor is done with their thought”? 

from a list of ADD symptoms, impulsivity: Start conversations at inappropriate times.

hhhhaaaa i’m sure becca can attest to my inability to wait five seconds before beginnning a conversation that’s awkward while the person who reminded me of something is still around. 

something that seems like impulsivity might have a hand in:

right now, i really don’t want to be spending money. and yet??? i have like ten purchases in the past three days or so around 10 bucks a piece. for random videogames, toys, books, a tiara, a hat i found at a storage store, a couple of things i thought would make great gifts for specific folks in the future.... why tf can i not wait until i get my goddamn paycheck at the end of the week????

something else that seems like impulsivity might have a hand in:

i am a Serial Procrastinator. the only way i get things done is by procrastinating on one thing by doing something else. very few of my tasks are both Proactive and Not A Part Of Putting Off Something Else. 

from a different list of add symptoms in adults: Restlessness, Trouble Relaxing

i’ve said that i literally cannot relax. that is: actual relaxation occurs so rarely for me that i treat it more or less like a myth. 

from a different list of add symptoms in adults: Trouble Starting a Task

hey, did you know that this (in addition to being super tired) was literally what kickstarted my depression? now ya know

welp

more generally, i am a ninety-per-center. which is to say: i got a’s in school, but it wasn’t because i studied and memorized every last detail. getting 100% on anything was extremely rare for me, even though you’d think i’d have a higher chance at it with my average so high. 

i hate straight-up memorizing. i’m terrible at it. if learning only happened like that, i would be a highschool dropout. 

what i AM good at is being a magpie of knowledge. learning is legitimately a hobby for me. 

so learning MORE for me is often about contextualizing something new in terms of what i already know. 

one of my other hobbies? READING FUCKING EVERYTHIGN as a child. i read so much that my average reading-words-per-minute is 700 (w/ 100% retention-- that’s an easy reading pace for me), but i can jack it up to 1k with 80% retention. theoretically, if i could keep that up, the internet tells me i could read the entire bible in 24 hours at that rate.

my good grades also gave me a positive feedback loop: having good grades meant that teachers didn’t care if you doodled during class, and doodling during class is apparently a huge coping mechanism for ADHD/ADD.

uh. 

so. 

in researching and writing all this out.... i’ve basically convinced myself that i probably have some degree of add/adhd, but i had really good coping mechanisms that developed early. 

when some of the things i’d relied upon began falling apart, i spiralled into Depression because executive functioning is hard

oh my god now i’m taking a test and.... SHIT IT ME http://totallyadd.com/adhd-quiz-start/

ESPECIALLY 

My home or workspace is cluttered, piles everywhere.  Things have to be out where I can see them, otherwise I worry that I’ll forget about them.

When I am alone I talk out loud to myself to stay on track.  I have sticky-notes everywhere.  I’ve bought things and then realized I already owned one.

You probably don’t bounce around like a hyperactive child, but perhaps you often feel restless.  Driven.  Like there’s a dynamo inside you. Maybe you’re impatient.  On the go.  Thoughts race, sometimes tumbling, ricocheting as you pour out one idea after another.

I walk faster than others and have to wait for them.  I like to be in action, on the move.

this only applies in crowds; in other situations i’m small and can’t keep up the same with folks. But in crowds if I’m not moving forward i want to tear my hair out

I find myself stirring things up. Teasing. 

auuugh i’ve been trying so hard to stop this one because it’s often really rude and invasive but I HAVE SO MUCH TROUBLE STOPPING MYSELF

I’m drawn to one hobby or obsession after another. 

did you mean “project”? did you mean “life consuming goal projects that take ~80 hours during a month when i’m also in school full time and work part time??” 

I have more stamina and enthusiasm than anyone else if it’s something I find interesting.  I dive in whole hog, like a whirling dervish, with tons of energy.  But then suddenly crash. 

I always have lots to say, but I’m not so great at listening.  I can be an enthusiastic chatterbox who just can’t stop. If someone else tries to speak I get louder because I feel pressure to get it out. 

I am full of ideas – my mind jumps and races ahead.  I don’t sit quietly and consider, but immediately offer one idea or opinion after another. 

I may seem impatient or dominating, always adding my two cents, having to contribute my ideas… and I have lots of them. 

I’m instantly enthusiastic and interested in new challenges.  I say yes to everything, then end up overwhelmed with commitments.

HOLY FUCK

HOLY FUCKITY FUCK

I SCORED AN 18/18 ON A SCALE THAT’S MEANT TO BE 10/18 “YOU SHOULD MAYBE CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR”

you mean to say, i have been dealing with this all on my own, for TWENTY GODDAMNED YEARS, AND PEOPLE DIDN”T NOTICE OR CARE JUST BECAUSE I GOT A’S IN CLASS

i may be, more than a little pissed at this. hguhgugh